HAIR | MT

XI

JACKSON'S EYES ARE full of disbelief when he stares at me. i look away from him, wringing my hands nervously, aware that i'm about to get an earful from him. "you said what?" he finally speaks.

"i'm sorry! it just slipped out!" i start apologetically. jackson lets out a deep sigh, rubbing the skin between his brows. "you getting involved is only going to make this rift between them worse, bia. you know that! what do you think you could even do to fix it?"

"i have no idea. that's why i was hoping you could help." i press my lips together, looking at him hopefully. shaking his head, he lets out another sigh. "why would you be so impulsive?" he says more to himself than to me. "oh my god, this is about to be such a mess."

i pause, wondering about something. maybe it's because i don't know the whole story and its exact details, but something has been nagging at me for a while and i haven't been able to fully grasp it.

"i mean, i get the general idea of why mark's got beef with jinyoung. and i know i wasn't there when it all went down, so it's not exactly a good idea for me to stick my nose in their business uninvited." i begin thoughtfully, getting jackson's attention. "but why is it such a huge deal if i get involved? the circumstances aren't the same, so it's not like history will repeat itself."

jackson stares at me like i've grown a second head before shutting his eyes briefly. his chest rises as he inhales deeply. "this is because you don't know the full story. and also because the two of you are blind to what's happening between you." he stretches his legs out in front of him, leaning back on the grass with his hands.

the air is chilly around us and the leaves have all fallen in a carpet of warm toned hues. winter is almost here and the park jackson and i are sitting in is certainly feeling it.

"you like mark, don't you?" he suddenly asks, taking me aback. i blink in surprise, lips parting and pressing together without a sound. i don't know how to answer, feeling embarrassed at being caught. he looks at me with a small smile. "i have eyes, bia. i can tell from your interactions." he says softly. "you look at him differently. and that is why this situation feels very similar." he sighs for the umpteenth time.

the atmosphere becomes very solemn and jackson leans forward. "back then, she liked him back too and it was so obvious. all that was left was for mark to ask her out." his voice is so soft, it is barely above a whisper.

i watch the sad nostalgia that takes over his features and it's almost like he's been transported to a distant memory. choosing to stay quiet so i don't break the spell, i wait for him to continue.

"we were in our junior year and three of us were thick as thieves." he begins. "we practically did everything together and knew everything about each other. and that's why when mark started to like her, we were the first to know." he smiles softly.

"her name was sofia and she was undeniably beautiful. she was a nice person, thoughtful, very outgoing, would always say what was on her mind. and after they met for a group project, she went out of her way to get mark out of his shy shell. even though he barely said five words at a go, she was patient and she adjusted to his personality."

he picks a thin blade of grass, going quiet. for a moment, i think he isn't going to continue. running his finger over the long blade, he presses his lips in a line.

"they became close, and naturally, jinyoung and i also got a bit close to her, but she clearly favoured mark. the problem came when he wouldn't... couldn't communicate his feelings for her to her. and sofia needed that assurance, but she didn't get it vocally. so she had her doubts, in spite of how obvious it was to the rest of us. she began to get closer to jinyoung and confided all her insecurities about mark in him. that was when it all really started to go wrong."

i am starting to get a clear sense of where this is going. and i'm starting to understand exactly why mark doesn't want to see jinyoung. and why he doesn't want him around me. but even though i admittedly have a crush on mark the size of jupiter, he and i are ultimately still just friends. the only circumstance where i can see him being overly protective of me and feeling insecure about me getting close to jinyoung is if he—

heat rises up my neck to my cheeks at the mere thought of it. i know how he feels about my hair and i know he long accepted me as a friend. but i can't be certain that he also has feelings for me. as soon as the thought crosses my mind, i can see how it feels like history might repeat itself.

"you know, i started to notice it first. the shift in dynamics." jackson's voice snaps me out of my thoughts. "i didn't want to believe it, so i ignored it, convincing myself that i was thinking too much into it. after all, sofia liked mark. that's my biggest regret about that situation. i could have stopped it. i could have stopped jinyoung before it was too late."

a frown pulls at my features. jackson feels responsible for what happened to some extent. and that makes me sad. he is blaming himself for something he didn't do. i shift closer to him and place a hand over his, hoping to offer some comfort.

smiling a bit, he continues. "when things completely fell apart, it was a saturday. mark and i were going to visit jinyoung together that evening since we were neighbours. we walked all the way to his house and his front lawn was in view. that was when we saw them. he and sofia were standing in front of his house, holding hands. and then she leaned up and kissed him right on the lips, like it wasn't the first time."

i let out a breath, imagining how heartbroken mark must have felt seeing that. i don't know if he would have even had words to express himself at the time. my heart hurts just at the idea of his heart getting broken.

"we just stood there, gawking in disbelief until jinyoung saw us. his eyes went so wide and he tried to approach us. but mark just turned around and left and i went after him. he cried that day. the tears just streamed down his face and he barely let out any sounds. i don't know what hurt him more; getting his heart shattered by his first love or being betrayed by his best friend.

"after that he stopped speaking to both jinyoung and sofia. jinyoung did try several times to explain himself to mark, but he no longer wanted anything to do with him and he completely shut him out and cut him off. i tried to hear jinyoung out but, to be honest, it was hard to listen to him when mark's crying and hurt face was all i kept seeing. in the end, i told him i wasn't the one who needed to hear his explanation."

jackson lets out a shaky breath. "we didn't talk as much after that, but i tried my best to maintain our friendship. and it seemed like whatever relationship jinyoung and sofia had died with his friendship with mark. not long after that, he moved away. we kept in touch and he still asked after mark often. but mark hasn't been able to move on from that betrayal and kept to himself even more after that."

jackson goes silent and i can see why he always gets so serious at the mere thought of mark and jinyoung. it must be exhausting being torn between two estranged friends. and i find myself appreciating him and how positive he remains even more.

i pull him into a hug. "you're a good friend, jackson, and you deserve the world."

🥀🥀🥀

i think this is the longest chapter till date and it is long overdue. i tried to write this for weeks but the words just never came out right until now. and i'm pretty satisfied with how it turned out. thanks for being patient!