third time's the charm // flushed away

Chapter 6: The Sandwich

In Roddy's mind, he was a master criminal. He turned on some badass music and sank into his seat. He was quite proud of himself. He'd killed his mugger, gotten rid of his wife's cancer, took care of his father in law, and got away from the cops.

Everything was perfect. Until he realized he was hungry. But then a stroke of brilliance came to him.

Roddy swerved through traffic and headed downtown.

"Roddy, this isn't the way out of town!" Rita said. She knew that they would probably get caught if they went back.

"We're going to McDonald's," Roddy said. "I am in the mood for a Quarter Pounder." A wave of euphoria overcame him as he said it. God, he really was taking care of all of his important business today.

Rita groaned. "Can I please have a chicken sandwich," she said.

"You can have anything you want," Roddy said. "As long as you stay under five dollars." Taking care of business or not, Roddy still was working with a budget.

"What do we do with the dog?" Rita said as it barked in the back.

"Sell it to the Chinese for a fair amount of money."

"RODDY" Rita screamed," that is so racist, I want you to walk into New City Buffet and apologise to the staff, they are Chinese chefs who make food better than you, like the maggots you tried to feed me."

Roddy yelled. No words, just blind rage. He swerved and crashed into the curb.

"Ahh!" Roddy screamed. He got out of the car and walked on the side of the road.

"Roddy!" Rita followed him. "You can't walk to the buffet! I was roasting you!"

"I'm going to McDonald's! And don't follow me!" He stormed off like a small child.

It started to pour. The rat city was underground so Roddy didn't know how it was possible. He ran until he got to McDonald's.

"Don't soak the place," the man at the counter said.

"Yeah, whatever." Roddy dug in his wallet. He slammed the coupon on the counter. "One Quarter Pounder with a Diet Coke. Then a Chicken Sandwich with a chocolate shake."

Roddy had calmed down enough to realize that Rita would maybe like something nice even if he was mean. With the coupon, he wouldn't spend less than seven dollars. At the very least, he could spit in it.

"Um, actually, the coupon is for just the Quarter Pounder. The drink makes it a meal."

"Listen here-- get me my goddamn Diet Coke and Quarter Pounder. With the coupon."

"It's company policy, sir."

Roddy took a deep breath. Some people really just got onto his nerves once they opened their mouths.

"Alright. I will pay for the meal."

He was annoyed, but he could shift some money around. He had like seven hundred in his monthly party budget. He could just crash somebody else's party instead.

"That'll be six seventy five."

Roddy paid, then saw the day's newspaper. Liam had been arrested for arson!

"And the paper," Roddy said.

The cashier groaned. "Seven twenty five."

Roddy quickly read the article. Liam had been found dancing  in the ashes of the car shop, and he'd been blamed for the arson!

He couldn't believe it. Liam probably found his father's ashes, maybe even watched his last moments as he burned to death.

Roddy grinned. He really was taking care of business. One person who hated him dead, another in jail. Just a few more to go.

He left the McDonald's. The weather had cleared up. He walked all the way back to the car. Rita was sitting waiting for him with the dog in her lap.

"Roddy," Rita said relieved.

"Did you really mean all those things you said about me?"

"Well, yes, but--"

In the McDonald's, it had taken all Roddy had to hold back his rage. From not getting his free hamburger to having to walk two miles in the pouring rain. Now Rita had the audacity to still be a bitch.

Roddy got her chicken sandwich out of the box and threw it on the ground. Its ingredients flew all over the street.

"Calm down, Roddy."

Roddy took a deep breath and nodded. "Here is your milkshake." He almost flipped it at the last moment to dump it all over her. But that would ruin his car. Also he really was trying to calm down.

"MY DAMN QUARTER POUNDER IS SOGGY!!" Roddy threw the soggy sandwich into the street he had done all of that for nothing," MOTHERFUCKER!!"

He ran over the sandwich getting every last bit squished.

Rita had given up on calming him down. She watched the meltdown as it happened. Roddy started to jump in the empty road, then picked up the patty and wrung the juice out.

He then knelt on the ground and sobbed. He got down on all fours and tried to remake the sandwich with what he could find. Half a bun that had been caked into the road. A stray piece of lettuce. A shred of onion with a bug on it.

Before he could eat it, he just cried harder and threw it away. He didn't even want it.

"Let's go get another sandwich, Roddy," Rita said. While he was at McDonald's she had fixed the car.

Roddy nodded and let her drive. "Can I have my Diet Coke," he said. Three minutes later he drank Rita's milkshake too.

They went through the drive through and got a new Quarter Pounder with the coupon. It was not soggy.

They pulled out of the drive thru Roddy said," can I have chicken nuggets too?"

"God Dammit, Roddy" This was the first time Rita had ever cursed at him.  Roddy got awfully offeneded.

"That was mean" he started crying again

" We'll go get your damn chicken nuggets."

Roddy cheered up fast and even started singing.