𝐒𝐀𝐘 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐌𝐄 | 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐂𝐀𝐁𝐄𝐓𝐇

maybe

My best friend died last night.

I never got to tell him I loved him.

I never got to tell him how I felt.

I never got to say goodbye.

It all happened so fast. I got the call late at night.

"Hi, this is the Marshal-Weiher Hospital. Is this Ms. Annabeth Chase?" asked the male voice on the other end of the phone.

"Yes," I answered. "Is everything okay?"

There's silence for a long time before the man answered; "I'm afraid not." He doesn't offer more detail. He doesn't say what happened or why he's calling. He just says it's not fine. And that's enough to tell me that I won't be fine after this. I won't be okay.

I gulped. "What happened?"

I take deep breaths, bracing myself for whatever he was about to tell me.

"Percy Jackson died in a car crash 2 hours ago," he said.

My brain stops working.

I need air.

I can't breathe.

I.

Can't.

Breathe.

"No. You're lying."

"Ma'am, I'm sorry, we did everything we could. We tried as hard as we could," he argued.

I fought back the tears forming in my eyes, wiping away the few that had the chance to escape. "Well, you didn't try hard enough."

"If it's any consolation, his last words were your name. That's why we thought we should call you first. Look, Ms. Chase, I'm sorry, I really am, but you have to understand that there's only so much we can do."

"Clearly," I said, then hung up.

I walked to the kitchen, tears streaming down my face like water down a waterfall.

Do you know what the worst part is? Realizing that it's not a drill. That they're never coming back. That it's gonna stay like this for the rest of your life. A gap missing from who you were, who you were supposed to be.

When it finally hits you that they're lost forever is when it hurts the most.

I could hear the distant voices of my dad and step-mom and step-brothers asking me if everything was okay when the look on my face and my crying should make it obvious that it isn't okay. That I'm not okay.

I need to be held, comforted. I need to be told that it's a just dream or a stupid prank or something that isn't this. I need to be with Percy.

I need to tell him that he'll always be my Seaweed Brain. That he'd never be able to beat me in a game of chess no matter how hard he tried. That I'd never allow him to get a pet octopus.

That I secretly loved him.

But all that's gone now. Everything felt lost.

The world felt like it was coming to an end.

I stayed locked in my room for the next couple of days remembering when we first met in 1st grade when he told me he liked my pig-tails. When he convinced me to skip class even though I was a goody-two-shoes. When we'd share a milkshake at the nearby ice cream store every Saturday. When we'd try to bake cookies and end up with crunchy, burnt cookie dough.

I looked through photo albums. I looked through my phone. I looked through my memories.

I wanted to talk to someone about my loss, but the only person I really wanted to talk about it with was Percy, and he was what I'd lost.

I cried many nights in a row. I hadn't slept for a few days now. Maybe the pain I was enduring was my way of dealing with it all. I should've told Percy Jackson how I felt. And now I was dealing with the punishment and the pain of not doing so. It hurt so bad. I wanted it to end, but I wanted it to stay.

Maybe this was what I deserved.

Maybe.

Maybe.

this is like the 3rd death au i write. i have no idea what the hell is going through my mind to be doing this.

anywayyy, i hope you liked it :)

-k