My Last Song

My Last Song | Jesinga

PLEASE listen to the music while reading :) Or whatever you prefer...

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the song that I used in the story. All rights of that song belong to the rightful owner of the song- Powfu.

eNjoY! ❤

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I hear the guitar's strings make sound as I pluck each one individually.

*sigh

I start playing and singing the song. Slowly I get lost in thought...

A year has passed by.

It's been a year since I've been stuck inside this hospital room. I basically live here now. A year of Covid has gone by. A year of the world getting back to "normal." How would I know, though? I've been stuck here, in this small hospital room.

Everyday when I wake up I pick up my guitar and play into the night. Of course I do normal things too; it's just that, before I got sick I was supposed to go to a concert and play some songs in front of hundreds of people. It sucks that I can't go now. Even though I can't go, I still practice every day in hopes that maybe, just maybe, I will be able to go to the concert and surprise everyone. Well, at the moment that is really unlikely.

I strum the guitar's strings creating beautiful sounds that echo throughout my hospital room. I pluck and strum and hum. Then I start to sing a song and with that song I think, what will happen to me tomorrow?

"Don't stay away for too long, don't go to bed. I'll make a cup of coffee for your head..."

What if...

What if I don't wake up? The doctors said it was really risky. It could cause life lasting scars, physically and mentally. It could even cause death! I don't want to die, yet I feel as if I'm on my death bed.

My surgery could go really well, but what if there are going to be unknown side affects?

"Ughh!" I shout. No one comes to check on me. Of course they wouldn't, nobody ever does. To think that tomorrow is one of the scariest days of my life, you would think at least somebody would be there today to comfort me and to tell me that everything's going to be alright. But no, not me I guess.

"I'll make a cup of coffee for your head, it'll get you up and going out of bed!" I shake my head over and over again. I can't do this alone.

"I don't wanna fall asleep... I don't wanna pass away..." I trail off and continue playing my guitar swaying left to right on my hospital bad continuously as I hum the song. 

A couple of months ago, I had a friend with the same condition as me. We both had a tumor in our brains. We grew really close and basically became best friends. We spent everyday together. We walked and talked. We ate and laughed. And then we both cried. We cried before she was taken into her surgery room in which she would get her tumor taken out. We cried... but I don't know why. Maybe we both knew that this would be the last time that we would ever see each other alive. The next morning, I found out that she had died during the surgery because of an error that they had made.

"It's all their fault," I say. They are the reason why Cammie is dead! And now I will never see her ever again! My head falls into my hands as my shoulders can no longer sustain my head upright.

I feel my hands getting wet. I take my hands away from my face an look at them. They're wet? I look at the mirror across my room and stare into my souless eyes. My eyes were puffy and round and my nose was as red as blood. Tears start flooding down out of my eyes and unfortunately I can't close the floodgates.

"Why did you have to pass away?!" I scream.

I continue sobbing. I sob and sob, but continue playing the guitar at the same time.

"It's healthy to cry every now and then. There's not shame in crying," I think. I play the next chord of the song and continue singing. I still have hope that I will be able to make it to the concert.

"And I promise that one day I'll feel fine. And I promise that one day I'll feel alright. And I'll make a cup of coffee with the right amount of sugar how you like it." I sing.

"Heh," I smile for the first time in a long time. This was the last song I played and sang together with my mom, who died from cancer.

"And I promise that one day I'll feel fine. And I promise that one day I'll feel alright. And then I'll make a cup of coffee with the right amount of sugar, how you like it!" She sang to me.

"Are you sure that a cup of coffee will make you feel better?" I asked her cheerfully.

"Oh I hope so, my dear Tammy. I sure hope so..."

That was also the last time that I saw her smile like that. Unlike me now, she was really on her death bed, and I had no idea.

I play the guitar as if it was the last time that I would ever play the guitar again. I pour my heart and soul into my music and make it sound as if I am playing for a whole stadium full of people. I sing until my throat feels dry! I sing and play like never before, pouring all my emotions into that one single song.

Single.

"Single as a pringle" is what you could call me. Am I ready to mingle though? I don't know... I have never had a real boyfriend before. It's not like my dad would allow that anyway.

What if...

What if I never get married? The one dream almost every girl my age has in common, so they say. I'm sixteen-years old. I want to get married too! I want to have kids and have a family of my own! But how will I if I don't only have cancer now but also an extremely rare sickness which has no cure!!!

"Ahhh!" I scream again. I scream a lot now a days. I take all my anger out on playing music, singing, and-if you hadn't noticed till now-screaming. I inhale deeply and cool down before I have another mental breakdown.

"I hope I go to heaven so I see once again. My life was kinda short, but I got so many blessings. Glad you were mine, it sucks that it's all ending. Don't stay away for too long..."

That reminds me, how long will the surgery take? Actually, I don't want to think about tomorrow right now. Now I just want to think about singing and playing my guitar. NOTHING ELSE. But I can't help it, I might die tomorrow.

I don't know much about my surgery. All I know about the surgery is that they're going to be opening up my brain and checking it out. Other than that I have no idea about what's going to happen.

"Don't stay away for too long, don't go to bed. I'll make a cup of coffee for your head, it'll get you up and going out of bed..." I close my eyes and suddenly hear a loud round of applause, well more like a standing ovation. I hear whistles and shouts. I even hear my mom and dad shout, "that's our, Tammy!"

I close my eyes a little bit longer to grasp every second of the wonderful feeling I am getting right now. I never want this feeling to ever go away. Just stay!

I slowly open up my eyes to see that no one is there. There never was a standing ovation, and there never will be. It was all just in my head.

"I knew I should've never opened my eyes. Me and my thoughts," I shake my head. "I guess that was my last song."

*Sigh

"Tammila?" Asks a nurse, who showed up in my doorway.

"Yes?" I ask, looking up.

"That was beautiful," she smiles then walks away. 

It was no standing ovation, but that one compliment sure put a smile on my face. 

I think I'm finally ready to face tomorrow. 

❤

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