Obey me x reader oneshots!

couch talk//mammon//fluff(tsundere reader)

So I saw this prompt on pintrest and knew I had to do something with it. We all know who's the idiot in this situation. I swear, ill finish the asmo fic soon. I just love this prompt so much.

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"Why is he bleeding?"

"Cause he's an idiot"

"I didn't know that idiocy caused people to start spontaneously bleeding from the nose."

"I think it's a new phenomenon"

You and Satan were standing in front of a body on the floor. The body itself belonged to mammon. Now the reason mammon was knocked out on the floor was simple. The bitch couldn't keep his hands to himself. You were walking in to your room, after having just taken a shower, and you saw him going through your stuff. You screamed at him, and he was so spooked he ran into the wall and here we are. 

"We heard you scream at him from a mile away, for a second I thought you were lucifer."

"Ok bitch. If you saw mammon going through your shit, wouldn't you be pissed?"

"No, I would, I would have just handled it in a more sophisticated manner."

"You mean punching the daylights out of him?"

"shut up"

You reached down to pick him up, and draped the demon over your shoulder, waiting for him to help you pick mammon up. Instead, he just stared at you, expecting you to walk out of the room. "Well im SORRY if I don't have super strength like the rest of you. Would you mind actually helping?"

Once you both finally got him downstairs, you layed him down on the couch. You we're genuinely worried about him. But there was no way you we're gonna tell Satan that. You'ld never hear the end of it, so you sent Satan to go look for lucifer, which in hindsight wasn't really the smartest move, but it didn't matter. You tryed to shake him awake.

As soon as you did, mammon seemed to wake up. 

"Y/N? What happened?"

"What happened? You were going through my shit."

You could tell he tensed up.

"So what exactly were you looking for in there, huh?"

"N-nothing. nothing at all!"

"Cough it up"

"Fine! I might... owe some demons a... sizeable amount of money. I thought... maybe you had some that I could borrow-"

"dude you know im just as broke as you are."

"..."

"And if you really wanted money, you should have just told me. You know I'm always down to steal stuff from Levi. He stole my living tombstone sweater, that can never be forgiven. I heard he just got a figure worth 10,000 Grimm"

"10,000 GRIMM!?"

"Yeah but first, are you ok? You ran into that wall pretty hard. Like Looney toons road runner zoomin into some tnt levels of hard."

"Don't worry about me! the GREAT MAMMON can deal with a small pathetic headache!"

"Seriously though. Are you sure you ok?"

"Since when did you start caring about if I was hurt or not?"

"Aren't you supposed to care for your friends?" You muttered under you breath, looking away from him. "Anyway, you didn't answer my question."

"Fine, fine. Maybe it's a little more of a migraine. Since when did you become my mom?"

"Since you broke my laptop trying to make a birthday cake in the kitchen, I don't trust you on your own."

"Ouch, that hurt. Aren't I supposed to be the one protecting you?"

"Well apparently things didn't work out that way"

"... I still do a good job of protecting you don't I?"

You turned towards him to see he had sat up fully and his face was slowly blushing. You tilted your head and asked, "why would you ask that?"

"Because... um... Lucifer would kill me if i didnt... yep... that totally it."

"Im gonna be completly honest here, you are pretty much the only reason im still alive at this point. If it wasnt for you, i probubly would have picked a fight with the wrong demon and game over. But i can clearly tell thats not the reason your asking me?"

He just sat there, seemingly mesmorized by the floor. He never really sat still enough for you to get a good look at him, most of the time you two would be runnin around, getting into trouble, running from lucifer, but you started to notice things avout him you never really gave a second thought about before. Right then and there, you knew exactly why he was a model. You nudged him, and her looked up at you. You ruffled his hair and looked at him. 

"Look, your one of the best, most fun, most intresting people i know, if not the most. If i had to be stuck with anyone, it'd be you."

"really?"

"Would i lie to you?"

"..."

"Ok, but like, im being serious. I love you dude."

"..."

'shit did i just say that out loud?' suddenly you were a blushing mess, covering you face with your hands.

"so um... do you mean it...?"

"Yeah..."

"so..."

"JUST FUCKING KISS ALREADY"

Asmo popped up from behind the coach, seemingly furstrated.

"BITCH LEAVE US THE FUCK ALONE OR I WILL NOT HESITATE TO FUCKING KILL YOU!" You screamed at him, getting ready to chase him out the room.

Asmo yelped and ran out of the room. 

"So where were w-"

You were interupted by mammon placing his lips on yours. You were suprised at first, but then you slowly melted into the kiss. 

...

"FINALLY"

"FUCK OFF"

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So i know it sucks. dont kill me plz. Ima do headcannons and stuff tho on my tumblr now! username: goustcop

request are open there, and i should be able to finish stuff a lot quicker over there!