David Bowie (Mostly Smut) One-Shots

3 - The D.J.

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This isn't smut, it's just a very, very weird one shot to get the ball rolling again. It's based on the music video for D.J.
It's pretty whacky — I was laughing as I proof read it. Anyway — enjoy!
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You instantly knew that David was home from the immense shattering sound that came from the hallway.

You had moved in with this absolute crackhead of a D.J. last month because you had nowhere else to live — it was a last resort. You stayed away from him as much as you could in fear of... well, death.

He was probably mental. He would constantly smash things, set things on fire, break down doors with a gas mask on, and then just scream continuously from around 4am - 9am, before going to work.

But the thing was, he never touched you or your possessions, he was often very calm when talking to you.

I suppose that's why you hadn't moved the hell out of there already.

"I'M HOME! LOST MY JOB!" There came a scream from the hallway, and you ignored it, sitting up a little straighter in your bed and continuing to read your book. "I'M INCURABLY ILL!"

He started laughing, and then fell completely silent for a moment.

Suddenly, there came a gentle knock on your door.

"Come in." You said absentmindedly.

The door opened and David stood there, a little red in the face with his hair a fluffy mess. He rolled up the sleeves of his pink jumpsuit, giving you a smile.

"Would you like a cup of tea?" He asked.

"Oh that would be lovely!" You smiled, following him out of the room as he went to the kitchen. You saw a load of smashed up pots in the hallway which he ignored as he passed. "...How was your day."

"Lost my job!" He started laughing again, swinging the kettle around carelessly. "Oh well, I'll find another one."

You nodded, prising the kettle from his fingers and making the tea yourself while he went and sat cross-legged in the middle of the floor.

You went to get his green tea out of the cupboard, wondering why he was suddenly so quiet.

"Wait, do you want coffee or-" You turned your head to look at him when you realised that he had fallen asleep. He was properly knocked out, limbs sprawled out. You sighed, wondering if you should bother with dragging him back to his bed or not.

You decided to just leave him there — you didn't want to risk getting kicked if he woke up.

He did obviously wake up at 4am for his ritual of screaming.

— — —

You walked into the bathroom the next morning to see him dancing around while combing his hair upwards, having the time of his life.

"Good morning." You said, leaning against the doorframe.

"Oh hello!" He grinned at you before doing a full 180 degree spin on his heel and lobbing a jar of hair gel at the wall behind him, causing it to hit said wall and shatter. "Lovely day, isn't it?"

You nodded, taking a precautionary step back as he threw another jar, this time hitting the mirror and causing it to smash.

"David!" You sighed. "We don't have many mirrors left — You have to clean that up."

"Sorry!" He gave an apologetic smile, before leaving the room. "I have to go and beg for my old job back right now, but I'll do it when I get back!"

"...Bye."

"Oh, and I'll cook tonight."

The front door slammed shut behind him, and you could hear him singing loudly as he skipped down the road.

He was interesting, to say the least, but he could make a really good lasagne.

You were pretty worried about this man — whenever you saw him out of the house, he'd either be hanging out with around 50 other people, or completely alone, there was no in between.

A lot of things worried you, like the way he could never stay in one job for more than five minutes and yet managed to make his rent money mysteriously appear. The way he was constantly breaking stuff all over the house; mirrors, plates, anything that would shatter. He would even set fire to things every now and then.

But the most worrying thing of all was that you had a bit of a crush on this absolute nutcase.

He could be really sweet and thoughtful, and we can't forget that he's drop dead gorgeous.

You spent the rest of that day scrubbing the ink out of the carpet — he'd decided to write his shopping list on it.

— — —

"Oh Lordy..." You sat down at the small table in the kitchen and immediately started eating the lasagne that David had set out for you both. It had taken him absolutely ages to make, but it looked amazing. "Thanks David!"

"No problem!" He put the fire extinguisher back in the cupboard — you always insisted that he had it present while cooking. He sat down opposite you, flicking his soft, shiny hair from his face.

As he sat there with a small smile on his face... and a bit of lasagne that he hadn't noticed was there, you couldn't help but notice the way the golden evening sun hit his face, highlighting his perfect bone structure.

You were a little cautious to ask about his day — you'd either be met with a pleasant response or fire.

"So..." You played with your fork as he chewed happily. "Did you get your job back?"

"Oh yeah!" He grinned. "They said I could have it back, but if I cause one more lawsuit within the company — I'm out."

"Seems fair enough." You shrugged. You paused before continuing, figuring he was in a good enough mood. "...Why do you do that, by the way?"

"Do what?"

"...Destroy stuff."

He just laughed. And kept laughing.

It was getting a little creepy, and you just sat there as he stood up, still laughing. He picked up the microwave from the side, and simply placed it down on the table in front of you.

"Um... thanks?" You said, and he just kind of looked down at your for a second.

Suddenly, he took you face in his hands with the most gentle touch, leaned down and pressed his lips to yours. You sat there for a moment, completely frozen, but gradually brought your hands up and ran them through his gorgeous hair.

And just like that, he stood up straight again, flashing you a grin before picking up the microwave and lobbing it through the window, waving, and skipping out of the room.

You sat there, really confused as to why you liked him even more.

Huh.