Gone.

Chapter 1: Before You Go

Trigger Warning: Suicide, mental health

Author's Note:*Okay guys, so I'm imagining Harry as himself, although Lana is new to the music industry. I'm using songs from other artists as her music. The first single she has is Before You Go by Lewis Capaldi*

"Thanks for tuning in guys! You're listening to 98.3, The Fox. This is your host, Max Redfield. I hope you enjoyed that last song by the one and only Halsey. But, we have even more exciting news. Guys, I have Lana Beatrice in the studio today talking to us about her new single and upcoming album. How's it going Lana?"

"I'm great! Thanks for having me!" I said, smiling at the radio host sitting in front of me. I could feel the headphones uncomfortably sitting on my ears, the production team and my manager, Ken, standing on the outskirts of the room. Other members of the radio team were sitting at their own desks, adjusting knobs, headphones covering their ears the same as mine.

Do what you need to do. This isn't all for nothing.

I watched the dashboard by Max light up, different buttons flashing with him paying no mind to them. Max was a middle aged man, one of the most famous radio hosts in LA. He had always had upcoming artists on his show, generously promoting their music while also having well established artists when they were available.

I felt the nerves in my stomach, neausea creeping to my throat. I smiled at the introduction Max had given me, noticing the grey hairs sprinkled on his temples, his age beginning to show. He had grey stubble covering his chin and crows feet around his eyes, making me wish that I would age as well as he has.

"Thanks for being here," Max said, still smiling at me and I could see my manager nodding his head in my peripheral vision, as if saying 'this is good. Go with it.' "So you have a new single that just came out yesterday and a new album being released in September. Let me tell you Lana, everyone here at the station is dying for this thing to come out."

"Oh stop," I said, embarrassed, my manager nodding his head again in approval. He always told me it was good to act embarrassed, but still confident. 'Be humble.' "Thank you! It's super exciting. The band and I have worked really hard on it and I think it digs into some much more personal stuff this time." It was true. This was the first album that involved any mention of what happened to Kurtis.

"People are already going crazy over this new single. It sounds like it's super personal to you guys. Can you tell us a little bit about what it's about?"

I sighed, dreading this question, even after preparing for it the entire time we had been writing it. I had practiced an answer in numerous different ways, but none seemed to encompass what I actually wanted to say. "A friend of ours passed away almost 2 years ago by taking his life. I guess it's our way of processing that loss and helping ourselves to move forward. Actually, half of the proceeds from that song will be donated to the National Suicide Hotline. So, anyone who buys the song from iTunes, half of the money will go right to that crisis service."

*************

"Hey mom!" I said cheerfully, just leaving the studio, pride seeping out of me from the song we had just written. I pressed the phone to my ear with my shoulder while finding my car keys, digging into the bottom of my purse, waiting to hear the jingling of metal.

"Lana..." she trailed off, her voice sullen and quiet. I felt my stomach sink, my heart racing as I got into the driver's seat.

"What's going on?" I asked, my heartbeat quickening and my palms starting to sweat. I started the car, feeling the cool air blow back my hair, a sharp contrast from the LA heat. The lump in my throat was growing with each silent second that was passing.