Being a tomboyish pansexual

68

Quarantine sucks! Imma just start it off like that. I have almost forgotten about this book to be quite honest. Which is kinda funny to me but anyway back to the basic point of the story: Quarantine sucks!
It's different if you actually enjoy being in the presence of your family 24/7 but my summers usually entail that I'm never home. I don't know why but it's like a yearly migration for my social life. Summer is equal to more of an extroverted me compared to the rest of the year; don't ask me why that is but let's accept it as simple a fact like 2+2 equals fish (Ok not gonna lie if you get that joke, you officially deserve god status to me).
The plus side to quarantine is I get to make hella progress in too things: 1) very long video games that I have been putting off playing and 2) my self. Call me corny but this the first time in a while where I can look myself in the mirror and kinda say that I like what I see in the other side.
It's so engrained in girls that skinny is equal to pretty and it's worst if the same rhetoric is constantly coming from your own mother. Starting to see why I'm never really home in the summers?
Quarantine for a divorce kid is a lot different than you can expect. Some can't see one parent for months if their a front line worker (which can we please give a shout out to anyone who is a front line worker! You are amazing in helping everyone still maintain a sense of normalcy during these times and you are wonderful beautiful beings. Thank you!) Sometimes one parent becomes too much and you end up running away to the other parent; or if your divorce parents are cool with each other you get to split time evenly with the two of them. Yeah, that would be the dream for me but that's not the case.
So it's almost a week since I have comeback from a trip to Arizona with my dad. And the trip was great, lots of sun and low social interaction which is good these days but the minute my feet landed in my good old home state of jersey, I have been under lockdown. My mom is completely convinced that I am asymptomatic with COVID-19 (I'm not), made me take the antibody test, and I'm under lock and key to go anywhere to see anyone and dear god it is driving me insane! I literally got yelled at for asking to see my friend because she is convinced I'll show signs. SO THEN WHY AM I HOME WITH HER IF SHE IS SO CONCERNED????? because she doesn't like to relinquish power to anyone. It's either she has to do it or it will never be down. It's a nightmare but there is nothing I can do about it but wait for a phone call saying, "you are fine."
As a side note, I've been on and off about dating again. Scandalous I know. I've had friends that what me to try online dating since I'm more shy and introverted to begin with which leads to the fact that I am a dry ass texter. I have more personality in person than I do over text and it is literally the worst fucking thing. Because talking to someone online goes one of two ways: 1) I vibe with someone and then they disappear off the web forever or 2) we text for like a week and then it just stops. One has happened a lot. If you know people that would love to hit up a depressed stoner Latina then hit me up. But at the same time my ass is focused on school (nothin wrong with that) I'm already a junior and I'm trying to get good enough grades to be able to get my masters in psychology and dating someone would either make things more complicated or it could be a welcomed distraction. But I'm too mentally drained or too chicken to try. I just want my results so I can just go out with friends because I am slowly losing my mind. Yah!