I've always hated being the eldest.
The 'trial' child.
I always wanted to be the middle child, or something like that.
But then, to find out you're not the eldest
You're not the first
there was
An older brother;
or sister, mind you.
To find out that you could have had an big sibling
Someone to show you the ropes.
But no.
I have no right to be angry.
I didn't even exist at the time.
They were together, but not married.
They didn't feel they were ready
Sleeping in a small, mouldy old flat
with three other people.
Unstable jobs;
no money;
young.
"We can barely take care of ourselves"
Dissapointed parents, I bet.
But is it really worth killing my older sibling
something i have always wanted
over?
All the
should haves
would haves
could haves?
But they're all in the past.
Because what happened, happened.
Nothing I can do to change that.
But the worst thing is,
it's a secret...
No one knows.
Not my grandparents;
Not my siblings;
Not our friends.
It's like a dirty little secret.
A dirty little secret i don't want to keep.
There's three of us:
me,
my sister,
and
my other sister.
My mother always wanted four;
but she threw that away when she decided to abort my older sibling.
So she has to deal with us.
I'm upset,
and hurt,
and I know my parents regret it.
Which is why my mother is pro-life.
Even though i know it's very hypocritical.
But sometimes I wonder...
if that child was me, and you knew that, would you still get rid of it?
I bet you would.
