Lovefool ||c.t.h

Road To Nowhere

      Calum pulls into his driveway without much fanfare and the music cuts out when he turns off the car. His hand is still gripped in El's, if slightly sweaty at this point and it makes her head feel kind of like it's spinning out of control in the same way it's making her skin crawl. Not because she doesn't like it, she does, but because it feels like too much, like she's giddy, and terrified and wishing desperately for it to stop and also never end.After a beat of silence he turns to her,

"You wanna smoke a bit before we turn in."

And she nods. They head into the house and after greeting Duke, she follows him to the back patio.Where they sit, passing the cigarette back and forth between them, the white smoke billowing into the night air.

      Eleanor thinks back to the last time they did this, just after her step brother called to tell her that her mother was dead, and not to come to the service. El hadn't seen her since she was twelve, just after the wedding, standing at the curb holding her father's hand as her mother waved goodbye and promised they would all see each other next summer, once everything was settled. But they never did, her mom and Barry had Maggie and stopped returning her calls. Cal went over to her apartment when Sierra had to leave, because her mother was ill. He took one look at her swollen, tear chapped face and packed her a bag. Practically dragging her out of the house. Let her lay in his guest bed unmoving for a day and a half before he lured her out with take-away and Talking Heads. They shared a veggie pizza on the coach, Duke curled up between them in silence until she word vomited all over him. Sobbing about how much it hurt, that she was dead, that El never got to say goodbye, that the last time she saw her mother she still loved her desperately and then some time over the last twelve years that stopped and her dad was dead and he loved her best and now she was an orphan. By the time she had calmed down enough to breath she was half sitting on his lap, Duke burrowed into hers and he was offering her an unlit Camel.

      She does not bring up this memory, because she knows it makes him sad, and confuses him because he is the kind of guy who carries around a polaroid of his mom and has her initials tattooed on his body. And he doesn't get it, but he tries and so when she passes it back she lets her hand linger and drops her head on to his shoulder while he watches the cigarette burn itself out between his index and middle finger. His head pressing softly on hers while they stare at the stars.

      In the morning he greets her with a fresh pot of coffee and a packed duffle bag, declaring that they are taking a little road trip to "celebrate the tentative completion of their new album and her just barely starting her next book" a "vacation celebration, relaxation, inspiration road trip if you will." A sentiment that makes the romantic in her swoon and the mommy issues in her want to tell him to fuck off. So she compromises by reminding him of his precious, (their precious Duke) and her sweet baby Lady Macbeth, neither of whom would be particularly pleased if they disappeared down the coast for a long weekend. He counters by explaining the cottage belongs to a friend of his, and is pet friendly and that both his dog and her cat will in fact be joining us.

      At his insistence she quickly downs her coffee before helping him load the car, making sure to grab Duke's favorite bed, (he has many) and a bag of his special geriatric formulated dog food. Once all of Calum's necessary items, all of his-I just rolled out of bed, effortless, hot, rock star-stuff was packed into the back of his stupid fancy car they drive to her little duplex. A butter yellow craftsman cottage with a cute white porch and a matching swing. Which Calum makes fun of but has also fallen asleep on at least three times since they met. El's packing takes all of twenty minutes plus another twenty trying to get Lady Macbeth in her harness and leash. But finally just a few minutes shy of 3, they are on the road, a playlist of all the songs Calum knows El loves playing at full volume.