My name is Ruby. You all know me as StoneColdCrazy and that is fine. I have never truly been comfortable In my own skin. I have never felt one with the world. I have always been different. Writing Fanfiction a few years ago gave me something to feel proud and good about, but now it brings me nothing but embarrassment and guilt. And it's ok if you enjoy my books but honestly I don't know what I would do or where I would go with the stupid scenarios I made up. I never truly knew it up until last year but I have been used, bullied and looked down upon my entire life. I have no real friends and everybody I know at school hates me and laughs at me. And I don't want to feel any worse by writing romance between grown, straight, married men. It doesn't feel right anymore. I don't feel comfortable about it at all. It is not a proud trait. And I just want to forget it.
My books were awful. I was cringe personified. JUST LOOK AT THIS.
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WHAT EVEN IS THAT?! FUCKING FOO FIGHTERS LYRICS IN A QUEEN BOOK. I WAS SO UNORIGINAL IT IS ACTUALLY FUNNY.
That chapter also included Brian getting a boner which was not funny or interesting. It was just embarrassing and I wish I could've been more creative with the shit I wrote.
It all seemed so unreal. In the bad way. Like bad acting in a sitcom. It all just seemed too expectant and random. I didn't even know anything about bipolar. I thought it was just 'happy sad blahzbsbbsb' I was too lazy to get into detail and I hate myself for it, okay? And Brian/Roger cried every single chapter. Literally. They are grown men and I just made them cry and do dumb shit. And I made stupid excuses for not writing smut like 'ROGER IS ASEXUAL GUYS' like wtf.
This does not mean I don't like Maylor anymore. Maylor is the good fuckin shit and it's pleasant. But it's not something I'm proud of and it's not something I like talking about. It's embarrassing. It would be fine if they were actually married but they're not and I just had to grow out of my Fanfiction phase.
Right now I'd rather write about fictional characters in actual bad situations. I want to write books that I can relate to concerning my depression/anxiety. I want to help people. And writing about Roger Taylor and Brian May kissing really would never help.
As you get older and as you start to find new music you grow out of bands you once loved. Bon Jovi. Queen. Stuff like that. It just got old. I still enjoy the music but it isn't something I'm so passionate about anymore. I'm more of a metal/grunge person now, and honestly Fanfiction concerning bands of that genre is just...stupid.
I lost a lot of people in my life last year. Every friend I've ever known just left me to rot and I don't blame them. My social skills, I have none. I'm not a person people enjoy being around. I'm just a quiet kid who would rather sit around doing nothing all day. I'm not a peoples person unless I'm online. On a platform where nobody knows the real me.
I have seen other writers discontinue their accounts and that fucked me up because it hurt like shit. They had tons of talent that sadly went to waste and it broke me knowing that I couldn't be there for them because I was taking time off.
Queen. I can't really be mad at Queen, they are still the best but the fandom just ruin it. The shippings. The toxicity. Some of the fans who don't even care about the music and only care about the members. What kind of a fuckin fan are you if all you love about the band is the members?
The world is going to shit. Black people matter. LGBTQ people matter. Trans people matter. Females matter. Everyone fucking matters, ok?
I'll stop complaining now.
I'd like to thank everyone I've ever met on here. You're all really great and I hope you do good things in life. If you're sad I hope things get better for you.
This book exists so everyone who follows me knows that they are not alone in their suffering and that we can all find our light in the world, no matter how long it takes. Sometimes you have to sacrifice something you love to finally release yourself from the pain of keeping it. Keep the faith. My final message. Goodbye.
