(TW: Mentions of suicide. If there are any more please let me know.)
'Can Evan Hansen please come to the principle's office, can Evan Hansen please come to the principle's office.'
Evan's POV
All eyes turned to me as I nervously stood up and made my way to the principle's office. I picked at my cast as I walked down the hall.
I stepped into the large room and saw a man and a woman in their mid-late forties.
"Good morning. Is Mr. Howard...? I just, sorry, they said on the loudspeaker for me to go to the principal's office and... uh" I asked, looking anywhere but the two other adults in the room.
"Mr. Howard is, uh, stepped out. We wanted to speak with you in private. Please sit down." the man said.
I took a seat in a leather chair across from the 'I assume' couple.
"So, uh..." I say after sitting in a silence.
"We're, uh... we're Connor's parents." the woman said.
Connor? As in Connor Murphy. As in Connor Murphy my crush? As in the Connor Murphy that pushed and flipped out on me three days ago and took my letter? That Connor?
Mrs. Murphy reached into her purse and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper and carefully smoothed it out. I have a crushing feeling about what it is.
"Connor... uh... he wanted you to have this." Mrs. Murphy said and handed over the paper. She looked close to tears.
I take the piece of paper with a sinking feeling.
"We didn't... we'd never heard your name before, Connor never... but then we saw... 'Dear Evan Hansen.'" Mr. Murphy said.
"Wait, he gave this to you?" I asked worriedly.
I remember what the letter said.
Dear Evan Hansen,
It turns out, this wasn't an amazing day after all. This isn't going to be an amazing week or an amazing year. Because... why would it be?
Oh, I know. Because there's Connor. And all my hope is pinned on Connor. Who I don't even know, and doesn't know me. But maybe if I did. Maybe if I could just talk to him, then maybe... maybe nothing would be different at all.
I wish that everything was different. I wish I was part of... something. I wish that anything I said... mattered, to anyone. I mean, face it: Would anyone notice if I just disappeared tomorrow?
Sincerely, your best and most dearest friend,
Me.
I hesitantly look down at the letter and one name catches my eye. Zoe. Right. I forgot.
"We didn't think that Connor had any friends. And then we see this note and it's, this seems to suggest pretty clearly that you and Connor were, or at least for Connor, he thought of you as a friend." Mr. Murphy said.
"These are the words he wanted to share with you.... His last words." Mrs. Murphy said, quieting down at the last sentence.
I feel panic rising in my chest.
"He didn- Wait, what do you mean his last words."
A tear rolls down Mrs. Murphy's face.
"Connor, uh... He took his own life. This is the only thing we found with him, folded up in his pocket." She said in a shaky voice.
I feel tears well up in my eyes and a fist closing around my throat. "W-what?"
"Evan, I'm so sorry." Mrs. Murphy said. She was now crying and Mr. Murphy had a hand on her shoulder.
"What why are you sorry. You just lost your son and you hardly know me and - and......... I'm sorry I'm just rambling now." I feel something wet go down my face. I bring my hand up and realize I'm crying. "I'm sorry."
"We would love if you could come over to dinner this weekend. Are you available?" Mrs. Murphy said in a shaking voice, wiping tears from her face.
What in the ever loving god is happening. "I-I'll ask m-my mom..."
The rest of the day is a blur. The one person I felt connected to is dead. The one person I wanted to get to know is dead.
Next thing I know, I am laying down in bed with tears streaming down my face. I didn't even know him, why am I so sad? Did I do somthing?
"I'm sorry Connor, I'm sorry for whatever I did." I whispered, letting more tears stream down my face.
"Well, at least I know someone cares."
... Wait.
"Connor?!"
