We should've stayed friends

It's always darkest before the dawn. Daniels point of view

(September came and it was Cameron's birthday the 27th and to be frank he seemed rather oblivious to that fact)

The so called relationship with Cameron has been becoming a problem lately even for my friends.

I wished Cameron a happy birthday with a hug. The hug lasted longer than expected but it was a nice hug. He seemed happy to even receive a hug from me because I rarely hug anyone outside of my friend circle. He seemed so blanked out that he didn't even notice that I stopped hugging him but I didn't want to question why he was in such a state. It was a good way to start his morning off I'd assume seeing as everyday I'm either mean to everyone or I'm just in a bad mood.

Me and Cameron were on a role since the start of the year. My friends felt like I was just setting myself up for heartbreak. I couldn't say I disagreed and that was the problem because I knowingly went along with it. We would have preferred that I didn't fall for him in the slightest. He knew that when he saw me and felt the need to play on my emotions.

It wasn't like I didn't have any others guys in my life it's just I would flirt with them. That was about it I saw him everyday personally I feel that's why I fell for him.  Which to my recollection made me smile way too much. Especially when we would talk and make jokes I would laugh super loud. My friends were begining to worry about my emotional and mental equalibrium.

Even I myself was starting to worry about my precious heart but I've learnt or should have known by now not to get emotionally attached it just fucks everything up. I have always been aggressive and angry all the time because I don't want my walls down. I'd prefer keeping my walls up so people don't get hurt. Most people could see right through those walls and still wanted to be my friend. Which was super complicated because you see that I'm a mean ass person but you still want to be my friend like wtf.

Most people even categorised me as being obnoxious. Which I felt was completely wrong because I was not the type to boast about myself. Frankly I was very insecure about everything concerning me especially my looks. I never boasted about anything except my intelligence because frankly most teachers believed that I was the most intelligent person on the school. That meant that I was automatically their favourite and I was also given privileges that most children didn't get. I was allowed to urinate in the office where no student was allowed in except for me.

It was Wednesday and we were suppose to get maths but the teacher was absent. They sent us to the library where one of my favorite people were. When we entered I found Miss Simon's and a boy named Andrew standing next to her and I went to stand by then and speak. Andrew asked me if I had a boyfriend or crush and he was really starting to irritate me. I barely liked him so he was constantly a problem Cameron saw how uncomfortable I was with answering his question. Which is when Cameron decided to stand up from his chair and come to us, he stood behind me and said to them that “I am his boyfriend”.

I was so shocked that I didn't know if I should smile, laugh or just cry. He said it in a stern voice and didn't even smile or laugh to insinuate that he was joking. They looked at him and just made Mm and I was so taken back that I didn't want to stand there anymore so I just decided to say he is and left them standing there. When I went to sit down he decided to join me and smile instead of say anything or explain what he was saying or doing and I didn't want to question it. So I let it go just this once I didn't know why he did that but I did ask him why he said that and he just said “You looked super uncomfortable when they asked you that so I decided to bail you out be grateful”.

I was struggling to understand how he even saw me being uncomfortable but I didn't worry. He bailed me out and I needed it because I might just say something I'll regret. I never really told people my  sexuality. It is my business not theirs and they didn't need to know. That's why I never told them a selective group of people knew my sexuality because I won't just go around and tell people. People tend to judge even before they know the whole story so why the fuck would I bother telling them my shit.

He seemed to not really care about the fact that I was always moody. He sometimes made me so angry yet so happy at the same time. He was the definition of an oxymoron in a person which is something I liked about him he knew how to work on my nerves and also how to make my nerves seem like nothing in the world. He was an idiot on most days. I couldn't tell him that on this specific day because it's his birthday I have to be nice whether I want to or not.