One of the Boys (Original Story)

Preface

I wanted to be skinny. I wanted to have a day go by where Mom didn't give me a speech about my health and dieting tips and congratulating me for eating an apple instead of a chocolate-chip cookie, and how I only ended up feeling smaller rather than proud. That it's an actual conversation we had countless times. That she wanted me to be the little girl she remembered from years ago. I wanted that too. I wanted to please her. I wanted those conversations to cease forever and to feel proud of myself. I didn't want to look in the mirror and feel repulsed, squinting, as I tried to imagine the girl I was.

I wanted to return to school as a completely new person, unrecognizable to my friends; super thin, golden tan, new clothes. I wanted them to finally see me as skinny instead of hearing about how I used to be, before my parents got divorced when I was nine and I gained weight. I wanted to be skinny when it counted. When boys looked at you and judged whether you were worth dating or not. I wanted them to think about it when they saw me, not just pass me over and glance at the tan legs on my friend. 

I wanted to be a girl, because I had never felt that way. I used to like that about myself. Guys didn't think I was soft, or a baby. My brother, Noah, even started calling me Larry when I was little instead of Hillary. I was proud to be one of them. But that was also the problem. I wanted to be teased like my girl friends instead of like the guys. To be fought over. I wanted to get mad like Elody, because guys were talking about how great her butt is, not because it's a good thing, but because it's worth discussing. I wanted 'will you go out with me' to not be the butt end of a joke. For boys to want to talk to me. For Grayson Harper to actually notice me as more than a buddy. To feel pretty. 

And so, that's what I would become; pretty. But like most things, it would come with sacrifice, starting with the annual lake trip with my friends. 

***

I was nervous the morning of the trip. I had told Casey the night before over the phone that I had decided not to go. She had screamed so loud I had to hold it away from my ear which caused Noah to come in and complain.

"What do you mean you aren't going? This isn't funny, Hilly," she said. I could picture her crossing her arms and sticking her bottom lip out like a toddler. 

"I'm sorry, Casey Bridge." She always liked it when I said her full name. It made her feel powerful rather than in trouble.

"Why is it you can't go Betrayer?"

This was the part I had been trying to sort out for an hour. "I found out there was a job opening at the snow cone stand on the beach. You know the one we used to love? And I start the week we leave. My mom says it would be smart of me to work this summer rather than laying around with my friends for three months." Which was true. "And, I really need the money to fix the bumper on the Bronco." This was also true. Mom refused to pay for it, since I hit the brick pillar, not her.

"Fine. Be productive. But I'm not bringing you a keychain."

We bought keychains every time we went to the lake. It was a tradition. "Okay," I said, because I knew she didn't mean it. She was mad, but there was no breaking tradition even if I was left behind in Seaburrow. Afterward we talked about which swimsuits she should pack and what color she should paint her nails, and I knew I was forgiven.

I drove over to Casey's neighborhood around 6:30 to send them off like I promised. The sun was just starting to streak across the sky, its fingers slicing through the morning fog. Everyone was already there loading the white minivan.

"Larry!" Jake said as soon as I climbed out of my truck. "Let me get your stuff for you." Jake's mom and mine had been best friends since high school, so I'd known him all seventeen years of my life. Casey held the title of best friend, but Jake would always be more than that. He was family.

"She's not going," Tyler said. This of course caught the others' attention. Bryce, Grayson and Elody halting in their process of rearranging all the bags in the trunk to better fit all of Casey's crap. 

"What?" Jake spun around staring at me like I'd slapped him or said surfing wasn't a real sport. I gave him a sheepish smile.

"It's not going be as fun without you, Larry," Grayson said. My heart skipped a beat, my cheeks flushing hot crimson, twisting a piece of hair around my finger.

"Why aren't you going?" Jake stepped in front of me, ruining the moment.

"I have to work. I got a job."

"Why?"

I opened my mouth, but Grayson spoke over me. "At least there's one smart person in this group. Good job, Larry."

"Was that a pun?" I smiled in spite of myself.

"If you want it to be." Grayson winked, and climbed into the back seat. "Don't have too much fun without us." 

"I won't with you gone all summer," I said. I could hear Jake scoff. I couldn't tell if he was annoyed over my crush on Grayson, or that he was being petty because I wasn't going and didn't tell him. Casey wrapped me up in a hug before I could ask him, warning me not to work myself to death and to be careful and not forget about her while she was away.

"Bye, Hilly," Elody said before telling Grayson to scoot down so she could sit by Tyler.

When they were gone, I headed to the beach to surf, snapping a picture to send in our group chat, since internet was spotty up there and we wouldn't talk much for a while. The summer would be lonely with all of them gone, but it was the window I needed, and I was going to take advantage of it.

And when they returned the first week of August, I had really changed. I had become all I ever hoped to be. The troll had finally become a nymph. I was no longer one of the boys; I was pretty.