Unspoken feelings(part 1)

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As soon as my shift at Wacdonalds ends I'm up and out of there. My clothes are dripping from coffee that some stuck up customer poured on me when she didn't get her way. Manager didn't see it happen so I still had to stay at the register until my shift ended at 12:30. I grip my coat tightly as I feel a cold breeze blow up my shirt. It's December now and the temperature has dropped. I continue to walk faster so I can get home and change. My damp, coffee-smelling, uniform doesn't help with the chill at all. All of a sudden I trip over a dent in the sidewalk and take a fall. My hands brace me for impact and take the pain instead of my face. I look down to see the gashes and cuts on my hands and blow on them. "What great luck I fucking have.." I say under my breath.

"Need some help?" .  'That voice..' I swear I can feel my heart drop to my stomach and head feels heavy. I look up to see his familiar silhouette standing over my with a hand out.
"Huh.... no" I say looking away embarrassed. Apparently he doesn't hear me and moves in closer anyway. His familiar scent of citrus and woods fill up my senses. It's been forever since I lost myself in his warm demeanour.
Instead of grabbing my hand he moves his arm under my armpit and hoists me up. "Yeong-gi, where did you come from?" I say keeping my distance. I don't know how he'll react if I am friendly towards him so I play it safe. Ever since he was leaving for England he was avoiding me and seeing him here now, after being away for university, was all the more confusing. "I just flew back today..." he pauses mid sentence to look me up and down. " And I went to WacDonalds to look for you." He says quietly and avoiding my eyes. "Wh-why didn't you say hi or something?" I ask kinda hurt. Dusting off my pants and avoiding his eyes. I didn't realize just how distant we have become from one another. I know it's partly my fault. When I found out he was going away I didn't want to say a teary goodbye like I did for min hyuk. He means more to me than that. So I didn't send him off because I knew it would be too painful. He looks at me and I can see his pain. "Why didn't you say goodbye?" His voice cracks as he whispers. I want to walk closer to him but the guilt holds my feet back. He looks down and his beautiful ginger hair falls to his face. I stare at him for what seems to be hours. Neither of us answered our questions. It seems we both have things holding us back. I don't even know why but I grab his hand and start pulling it. My feet ache and I haven't sat down since my shift start hours ago. He looks just as surprising as I am for dragging him. I sit down at the bus stop and let out a sigh of relief. God did it ever feel good to sit on my ass again. I turn my body towards Yeong-gi which causes him to turn away. For a second I swear he was looking at me before he turned away. The ruffling sound of his coat catches my attention and he pulls a bandage out of his inner pocket.
"Here" he says grabbing me hand. He rips the bandage with his teeth and wraps my hands. I can feel the buzzing sensation in my chest. The same buried feelings that I had before he left are still going strong. "Thanks...." I say taking me hand back into my pocket and shifting my body to a slouching position. The wind is stronger now and my fingers feel like ice. Sudden I feel pressure on my shoulders. I look behind me and see those same bruising hands placing his red coat on my back. "You looked cold" he says adjusting himself to the temperature. I let out a surpressed laugh and he looks at me, puzzled. "Déjà vu am I right?" It takes a moment but he soon realizes what I'm recalling and chuckles. " At least you're accepted the jacket this time. And you don't look so smol in it anymore ahaha" his laughter sounds so sweet and genuine. It's been a while since I've heard it. "Yeah I guess I have grown.." I say think about how much taller I've gotten. Not only me but Yeong-gi has got to be at least 6'4 ft now. He's gotten a lot more mature looking and it's only been about 3 years. "Yeong-gi... I'm so sorry I didn't say goodbye. There's no proper excuse for my distance.." I say out of the blue. I just can't stand how awkward were being. He looks at me with a sad smile and a little laugh. " it's alright shin ae. I would never hold a grudge." He says. At first I believe him but I look to see him gripping his shirt like I often do when I'm uncomfortable. I know he's lying and I know I hurt him. He hurt me too. He's been hiding so much but I don't want to pry, I'm in no place to pry. He's shivering from the cold which only makes me feel so shitty for taking his jacket. I move closer and he hits me with a what are you doing type of looks. I lift up the jacket and place it around both of us so we can share. "I'm not gonna lie, I'm freezing my ass off. So don't you dare refuse because I know you are too." I say. " there's the shin ae 'no shit taking' attitude I missed so dearly" he says laughing and covering his mouth. Our sides are pressed together but we're both pulling our heads away. "Shin ae" he turns his head and quickly noticed how close he is. "Yeong gi?" I say trying to surpress my blush to no avail. " We're friends right?" He asks me. That question seems all to familiar. I don't know how to respond to it. He sees my hesitation and his face drops. "Yeong gi... of course we're friends.. I just don't know if you want to be." He looks at me confused. " what do you mean?" He asks. I hate to bring it up but here goes nothing. " well before you left you started to distance yourself from me. I know you said you're not mad at me but I can't help but think you're lying. So I'd rather you tell me what I did wrong." I say feeling sick. I don't feel comfortable pushing yeong gi to open up. But I need answers. "Shin-ae I was never mad at you." He says with his voice trailing off, indicating that he has more to say. " I think we're just both hurt. And I'm so sorry. You mean so much to me and I hurt you"
He looks so distressed at this moment and he squeezes his hands in a fist. All of the moments that we shared together come back. Before I even realize it, I'm grabbing his hands all over again. He tenses up and let's go. He takes his hand back into his pockets. It's painful to see how he won't let me in. This is how he must've felt from me all those years ago.
"Sorry." I say bitter. We wait like this for a while for the bus. His warm demeanour is long gone. His smile is more fake than ever. This isn't the man I met who cheered for friendship points. "I broke up with Alyssa." He says suddenly. I look at him in surprise. Why is he even telling me this. "It set off a chain of events for me." He says leaning back and looking up at the sky. "What kind of 'chain of events'? I ask looking back to his tilted head up to the stars. He gives a long sigh before continuing.
"You know how spiteful Mrs.Hirahara can be. Alyssa was like her little pet. She was...looking up to her and was easy to control. I was pressured into a relationship with her." He says with a tone of scorn in his voice. " after I got with Alyssa, Mrs. Hirahara used her to keep me in check. To stop me from confronting her in fear of embarrassing Alyssa. In turn Alyssa would get her career. But once I ending things with Alyssa about two years ago, I noticed my grades were dropping. Mrs.Hirahara was bribing my teachers to fail me. I honestly didn't care about it that much until her threats included, you." He says sadly turning his head to see my reaction. I look down to my hands and fiddle with my pants. I feel like shaking but my body is frozen. I try to take this new information in. 'That spiteful woman was after me? Even after all this time she still remembers me. Poor yeong-gi. This is my fault she's still hurting him.' I feel a pair of hands grasp my fists. "Shin ae are you alright?" I look up to see his faces inches away from mine. He's searching my eyes from tears. He's grip tightens in my hands when he sees my visible fear. "I never wanted anything to do with that woman..." I breathe out. "I know ShinAe and I'm so sorry you got dragged into family drama. But she won't hurt you or threaten you again. You have my word." He lifts my chin to see that his serious. His word is always kept and I'm so glad O can trust him. But one thing is not right. He sees my face turn to confusion. "Wait. What happened. How did you get her to stop?" I say with concern rising in my voice. 'Don't tell me he...'
" I gave up my spot at the company." He says looking guilty. I pull away and shoot up out of the bench. His jacket falls off my shoulders. "Why- I never asked you for that! You shouldn't have done that for me. We're not even in a close relationship! I could have handled her in my own Yeong-gi!" I shout. He stands up and over towers me. But I don't care. He shows no anger, only sincerity. " I have no doubt in that Shin Ae. I know your incredibly strong but I just couldn't bare to lose you.." the pain in his voice makes me believe it's something more. "Yeong -gi , what was the threat?". He looks surprised at my cold tone.
" she said something about a repeat of what happened at the party." ShinAe's mind goes back to the horrible events at the formal. Those events that are still causing collateral damage three years later. "ShinAe," he calls me out of my thoughts. " I came back as fast as I could, to make sure you were okay..." he says looking at his feet. "Yeong-gi I'm okay. But you're obviously not." I say taking a step closer. I study his features. His head hangs low but I can see his tired eyes. It looks like he hasn't gotten any sleep after his flight. His nose is red and the chilly weather looks like it's bringing on a cold for him. I bring my hand to his head to check his temperature but before I touch I ask, because I remember he doesn't like getting to close or something. " hey you look like you're getting a bit sick. May I?". He tilts his head up and brings his head to my level. I place my hand and he flinches but let's me continue. "Yea your burning up. You should get some rest."I say putting my hand back in my pocket. "Okay Doctor. Smol." He laughs. "I'm serious. Do you have a place to stay tonight?" I say. He looks embarrassed. " No I kinda just hoped to check in a hotel but it's really late."
"Okay come with me then."

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