It's louder than I expected
There's no way to turn it off
It's a constant repeating buzz
Like the buzzing of a million bees
My mind can't shut it off
It's possessed by my thoughts
The dark, scary thoughts
Darker than any sky
Darker than any piece of coal
Darker than any heart or soul
I'm trapped inside of my own head
With no escape
How do you escape yourself?
I guess that's rhetorical, there's no way to escape yourself
Not whilst being alive, I mean
The noise never leaves
Just like my dark thoughts
One day, it'll shut off
One day, there will be an escape
From everything; all existence known to man
Imprisonment
That's what this is
I'm imprisoned by the darkness.
By my thoughts.
By myself.
What exactly is this noise?
I'll tell you.
This noise is the constant fear of self hate
This noise is the faith that I have lost in myself
This noise is all of my repeated mistakes
This noise is my timeline of utmost regret
It's like a movie reel: showing one picture after another
Some days, the noise is quieter.
It's like putting your phone on vibrate; it's not silent but it isn't as loud.
However, it's still just as annoying and persistent
It's always there
Constantly reminding me of it's existence
But I'm used to it; I'm as used to it as I am my own limbs
The noise never stops
It's anxiety
It's depression
It's fear
It's anger
The noise is all negative emotions in one
The noise is all mistakes in one
Like an imperfect combination created to destroy one's mind
But my mind isn't weak
My mind has adapted
I'm used to the noise
Nobody can hear the noise
And that's the positive; I never have to explain it to other people
One day the noise will disappear.
