i need u

•9•

(Alise's pov)

It's been about two weeks since Nick had his big outbreak and freaked out. He couldn't sleep for days and he wouldn't even eat. He's still not doing the best though.

He is still cutting which scares the literal hell out of me. I've been trying to get him to see a therapist and get some help, but he won't listen to me at all. He says he doesn't need to and that he is fine. He's obviously not fine.

We are actually fighting right now because of it. I talked to him about it again and he got mad, yelled at me, and stormed off. I don't think he realizes that I'm just trying to help him. I don't mean any harm to him.

"Alise, we are leaving," Edwin says as he walks into my bedroom.

"Oh," I say. "Is Nick going?"

"Uh, yes," he says. "We are bringing Callie too. You can come if you want to."

"No, it's fine," I say. "I know that Nick doesn't want me there anyways."

"Sorry," he says quietly.

I smile lightly, "Have fun." The boys were invited to a cookout today at a friends house. I was supposed to go, but I'm not now. Nick hates me and I don't want to be around that bullshit.

I guess I'll just spend my day alone.

(Nick's pov)

Life is never going to go back to the same again. I'm forever going to be stuck in this position and it sucks.

I don't even want to be alive anymore.

I honestly don't even understand how I haven't just killed myself already. It would be better for all of us. Nobody would be hurt and I would be fine then. Alise would be fine, so would Callie and so would the boys.

My life doesn't even matter.

"Are you sure you don't want to get her?" Edwin asks as he gets to the car, "She seems pretty upset."

"I never told her she wasn't aloud to come," I say. "She's aloud to come if she wants to come."

"But she said she's not coming because you don't want her there," Edwin says.

I frown. I really am a dick. "I'll be back." I get out of the car and I walk back inside. I walk down the hallway until I get to her room.

I open the door to see her curled up in a ball on the floor, crying. I did this. I swear I can't ever do anything right.

"Ma."

She looks up, "What are you d-doing here? I thought you g-guys left."

"No," I say. "I came back for you." I walk over to her and I sit on the floor next to her. She wipes her face quickly, so I can't see she has been crying, but it's pretty obvious.

"Why?"

"Because I'm a dick," I sigh, "Talk to me."

She shrugs her shoulders, "I'm j-just worried about you and I'm t-trying to help, b-but you don't want my help."

"I know," I frown, "I'm sorry, ma."

"P-part of m-me feels like you don't even w-want to b-be together anymore."

"Mamas," I say. I pull her close to me and I start to rub her back, "Of course I still want to be with you. I love you more than anything."

"Well s-sometimes it f-feels like you h-hate me," she cries.

"I don't, ma," I say. "I'm sorry that it feels that way. I don't mean to do it. I've just always been used to pushing my feelings away from people."