Saving the Monster

Chapter 45

Rey flew blindly, tears flowing, her heart broken, and yet soothed somewhat by the words of comfort that she heard him say in her mind, his soothing touches to her lower back.

She had said the cruelest thing to him last night and yet now here he was, sensing her unimaginable pain, and taking steps to try to soothe it. She thanked him through the force and somehow she saw him for a split second, nodding once back at her, his eyes soft and full of emotion.

Rey flew to the only place she could think of, Ahch-to. It wasn't that she was particularly drawn there, but the fact was that it was the only place where she could hide away from what she had done, until she'd spoken to Ben.

The island was just as Rey remembered it, green hills and crashing seas, flocks of squabbling Porgs and simple stone huts. The Lanai who tended to the island as caretakers hadn't forgotten Rey and they muttered their disapproval at her return.  She paid them no heed and set up camp in one of the huts, laying out her belongings.  Leia had agreed that she could take the Jedi texts and yet somehow now they seemed useless, her desire to train as a Jedi was all but gone.

Unsure what else to do Rey headed off up the hillside once she had unpacked.  She stood, gazing out across the vast ocean, remembering the first time she was here, remembering how shocked she had felt to see this place, really see it after dreaming about it for so long. 

And then she thought about him gazing into her mind all that time ago, seeing the island for himself and then appearing here through the force, not once, but three times.  He had seemed so vulnerable, so different to the first time she had met him.  Rey knew why, although to think of it hurt her, Han Solo.  Rey knew that he was tormented by the memory and somehow that had made it easier to forgive him.

Rey carried on walking, feeling the cold ocean spray on her face,  she saw Luke's x-wing, still submerged, still in its watery grave. She thought of Luke, how he had refused to help, how afraid he had been of the darkness he saw in her, of repeating history.

The sky was grey as Rey approached the Jedi temple and an ominous roll of thunder sounded overhead. She ducked inside, just as the first cold drops of rain hit her skin.

The temple was as she remembered it, peaceful and serene, a world away from the electrical storm that was now passing overhead. Rey closed her eyes, the stark silence, only punctuated by the drip, drip of water from the roof, reminding her that she was alone, alone again. How had it come to this? She thought miserably, swiping at tears as they began to fall again, how had she lost another family? Her heart ached. She didn't want to be alone, couldn't stand the feel of it, it ate away at her stomach like hungry womp rats.

Rey left the temple and ran back through the rain to her makeshift home. It was late afternoon and Rey dried herself and then forced herself to eat one of the ration packs and drink a little water.  Afterwards she tried to read the Jedi texts, flicking aimlessly through the pages of the most interesting until they fell open in her lap. Dyads. Rey sighed, remembering Bens words, "You belong with me, we're a Dyad in the force Rey, two that are one..."

He'd asked her to search her feelings and now she did just that and she found that he was telling the truth.  She did belong with him, he was the only person in the galaxy who understood her, the only one that she could show every side of her to and feel no shame. 

A sudden deep, calm sense of clarity washed over her.  She knew what she had to do now.