Learned Behaviors | • • • | Blue Exorcist

Bitter-sweet

"Rin?" I blinked a few times and rubbed my eyes, curious if they were still swollen. I hummed and I heard Dad sit next to me on the empty pew. "You okay, son?" Underneath his overall tone, I sensed his concern. Something he seemed to be doing a lot more lately. I sighed heavily, nodding, and ultimately lying to him for the thousandth time. He was silent and I glanced at him before turning away. His crimson irises were prying, and I didn't want him digging too deep into my own eyes. He didn't need to know, he'd be better off. I looked over the empty nave, the stained glass scattered colorful rainbows of light off the wooden benches. I wondered sullenly where the rest of the altar boy's were.

I felt a warm hand on my shoulder and I felt a bit of emotion well up inside me. "You can talk to me, kiddo." I bit my lip and shook my head.

"It nothing, Dad." He was silent, and I knew he wouldn't be brushed off so easily. Not after so many other attempts. I took a deep breath, "I just didn't get enough sleep last night."

He hummed and rubbed my shoulder, "I know, I heard." My head snapped to look a him, confusion no doubt shining through my expression. His lips quirked to the side a bit, but his expression remained perturbed. "You were in your bathroom, right?" I felt my cheeks tingle with shame, knowing exactly what he heard. I gave a small nod and his mouth twitched again. "It's not the first time I've heard you crying in there, Rin. You go there so you don't wake Yukio, right?" I shifted uncomfortably and turned to look away from him, my cheeks aflame. Once again, I nodded. "You're a good brother, you know that? Taking Yukio into consideration like that."

I remained silent and he sighed, "but what makes you so depressed, Rin?" I shook my head, but he continued. "Is everything alright in middle school, are you being bullied again?" I just sat still, unsure how to go about the situation. "Rin, look at me." Reluctantly, I met his gaze. His expression shifted to that of a more serious nature, and I swallowed hard. "Listen," he removed his hand from my shoulder to fix his glasses. For once, he was the one to look away from me, clasping his hands in front of him. "One of the boys cleaned your and Yukio's room while you were at school." I stiffened, my heart slowly beating a little faster. What did you do? What do I have to lie about now?

He cleared his throat and I felt a rock begin to settle lower and lower into my abdomen. "He saw how hard you boy's have been working at school and he wanted to do something for you guys. He didn't go through your stuff, if that's what you're curious about." A breath I didn't realize I was holding escaped my lungs and I relaxed into the pew, just slightly. "However, he changed your bedding."

"I noticed...." I was curious where this was going, my brain searching every possibility, but I was coming up empty.

"Rin." He shifted and stared at me, determination shining in his eyes. "Why are there sharp objects under your mattress?"

...

My jaw slacked and a surprised squeak squeezed passed my lips. I swallowed audibly and stood from the pew, deciding to run away rather than face my problems. "I don't know, I never go under there anyway." I went to turn away, but he gripped my wrist, and I winced, tearing my arm from his grasp. He quickly stood as well and gripped my shoulders.

"Rin, as your father, be honest with me our so help us both. Are you hurting yourself?" My eyes were burning and I let my head drop and my gaze settled on the floor. "Rin, please, you can tell me anything. I would never judge you, and if you are hurting yourself, I want to help you." Tears welled in my eyes and I bit my lip harshly to keep them at bay. Dad stayed silent, the sound of his heightened breathing the only sound in the room. I sniffled as a tear escaped and dropped to the tile below.

"Dad..." I sounded broken, like a frightened child, and I hated it. I sniffled again, and tried to explain myself, but the words wouldn't come out.