Part Four

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J A N U A R Y

Good luck on your first day tomorrow!

Thank you, H

&&

I went to Memory Lane yesterday, found the watch you chose for me

Ahh, good! Did you like it?

Of course

How've you been?

Been here a week and I'm already in a big project

Went home at 10 pm yesterday

Ahh, good luck El!

You can do this!!

&&

What have you done

I can't stop listening to your version of 'Habits of my Heart'

Ha, don't flatter me, El

Honest to God, BEST GIFT EVER

&&

Passed by Memory Lane yesterday

I haven't gone since the New Year's... I'm sorry you didn't have anything picked out this time..

Don't worry about it

Everything okay, though?

Yeah, I just don't have any free time :(


F E B R U A R Y

By the time I leave the Taylor Howes office, I'm sleep-deprived and hungry. Though I should be used to it by now (after all, it's been a month of late nights and early mornings), I can't fight the tears threatening to fall as I leave the lift on the ground floor. I don't want to cry, however, so I mumble a quiet goodnight to the security guy and walk through the tourniquet, telling myself it will all look better in the morning.

I've been telling myself that every day.

I always thought my problem would be adjusting to the company values, the teams or the clients. Instead, I've found a problem with their working schedule. For a girl who's slept at least eight hours per night, every day of her life, I've been getting four hours maximum. I'm basically a walking zombie.

I know I've found a new low when I have to fight not to fall asleep in the bathroom.

It doesn't help that I haven't kept in touch with anyone lately. I only have Sundays off and they are usually spent at home, sleeping. I don't have time to keep a conversation – either by text or by call. I'll text Amy back, answering whatever she's asked and saying it's all good – but I won't text her back more than twice each time. My aunt has called me a thousand times for advices for a new display she's working on, but I can't take the time to talk to her, let alone plan something for Memory Lane. I haven't seen Max in two and half weeks (and I only saw him because his parents brought him over to my house for a Sunday lunch).

As of lately, I also haven't been a good parent. Honey gets to walk in the mornings and get a little fresh air in my balcony at about two/three in the morning. I don't have the energy to play with her during the week and she only gets cuddle time because she created the habit of sleeping next to me. On Sundays, I just don't have the energy.

I've cried more about this than I care to admit.

On top of it all, it feels like I've been carrying an extra weight on my heart. I haven't seen Harry in over a month, though we tried to hang out two weeks after my birthday (he texted before flying to Los Angeles, where he had a meeting he couldn't pass on, but he was flying on Saturday night and I had to work until late that day). Our texts decreased since then and I've never missed someone this much before.

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