Not Ready For Love

Chapter 35

I was completely heart broken to see what he sent. How could he do this? After all the things he made me feel this was the most painful one. I wiped my tears and replied to him.

Me: oh good for youRishi: you are sure na..Me: yes..Rishi: okay then can I say yes to Nisha?

That was all I needed to cry hard. I totally trusted Rishi and he was keeping me as an option all this time. He made me feel disgusting. I was disgusted with him. I kept my chin up and texted him.

Me: who is Nisha?Rishi; another girl.. She proposed I didn't tell her any answer till now. I wanted to know your answer so I waited.Me: oh okay.. Rishi: so I can say yes to her..

I was crushed. How did this happen to me? Every guy is the same. No one respects or loves me. For one second I almost believed that someone could love me . The damage to my heart seemed irreparable. I started thinking about seeing him facing him in the office. After few mins I thought okay so he can say yes to her. Why would I be worried or angry. Thank god I said no. If I would have said yes I would have become a big laughing stock.

Me: sure Rishi: finally a Mallu

I was already shattered and he was just stabbing me more and more. A voice inside me begged him to stop. I could not bear the pain. It was pure torture.

Me: oh okay.. All the best. I am going to sleep. Good nightRishi: hey wait!!Me: what should I say now??Rishi; so?? What is your answer?Me: my answer is no.. Go say okay to that girl and be happy. Why are you asking me?Rishi: baby I need an answer.Me: stop calling me like that.Rishi: okay I want your answer not nisha's answer.Me: what about Nisha?Rishi: what about her?Me: hello you were going to tell her yesRishi: that was just for fun I was joking.. I want only your answer

I wanted to kill that idiot. He plays with me? I thought and worried so much. As soon as he said that he was teasing me the pieces of my broken heart stuck together. I was glad that he was playing and teasing me. I thought of telling him the truth for once. So I sent him what I felt.

Me: you want my answer?Rishi: yes..Me: okay I knew I was in love with you from the Bangalore trip. I would never have told you because you were in love with some other girl. I missed you lik crazy. I could not sit at my desk and just miss you I wanted to come to you.Rishi: hmmMe: but I don't want to get into a relationship. I want some time to decide whether to get into a relationship with you or not. I have never had a bf so I don't know anything about this. I also have a doubt on myself. I don't want to hurt you because I have a fickle mind. I don't think I will be able to stick with same guy. So please give me some time to think.Rishi: okay take your time..Me: thanks..Rishi: I love you .. There I said it..

We kept texting for some more time and then I fell asleep. I was so happy. I went to office in a gleeful mood as it was Friday and because finally I told him what I was feeling for so long. He said he liked my red color kurta I had so I wore that with black jeans on that day. I didn't expect to meet him. I was suddenly feeling shy to meet Rishi. I was shocked that I too can feel shy. This was the day we started sharing our pics everyday. He texted in the morning when I was already at work.

Rishi: hey gorgeous

These two words made my day. I smiled and replied.

Me: good morning..Rishi: send me a pic of you.

I opened the front camera in my phone and took a pic of me and sent it.

Rishi: I was just seeing your dress in this pic.

It was a pic of me standing in front of the kempfort shiva. I was wearing the same kurta. I smiled and replied.

Me: hmm yeah .. That pic is good.

Our chats started again. We spoke about everything. He was definitely distracted. I asked him why he doesn't talk when he puts maalai.

Me: hey you said you won't talk to me for two weeksRishi: yeah but I want to talk to you.Me: you follow your rules saamy.. ( had to call him that because of the maalai).Rishi: yeah I should I know. I am actually scared of this.. I have never talked to girls during this time. Now I am talking to you all day.Me: hey I can wait till you come back. We will stop talking now. This moment. I have no problems. You go ahead and carry on. I am here we can talk anytime we want.

After that we again stopped talking and my gloomy days started again but now with little amount of happiness. I was totally happy. My weekend was filled with happiness for unknown reasons.I followed the same routine. I went to breakfast alone then searched for some other friends to eat lunch. I didn't want to go with the girls because they reminded me of Rishi too much. I never went for breaks and I went home in 7 o clock bus.Rishi pinged me on Tuesday.

Rishi: heyI thought why he was pinging me. Me: yes hiRishi: will you be in office on Thursday?Me: I don't know .. We might have client visit which will be in siruseri.Rishi: oh .. I have ordered a shoe.. If you were at work .. Can you get it for me?Me: oh sure.. I will let you knowAt the sametime we received a mail saying that the client visit was on Wednesday. So I sent it to Rishi.Me: hey I will be here.. Give my number to them..Rishi: okay, I will be out of town from tomorrow I am going to sabari mala.. So I won't be able to get my shoes.Me: oh okay.. Do you want me to check anything?! Can I open it?Rishi: yeah open it and see if it is my size. If not I have to return it.Me : okay and hey have a safe trip .. I will get your shoes... Rishi: okay book for vishwaroopam on Sunday.. I will be back in the morning.Me: won't you be tired??? We can go for movie in the weekend after that..Rishi: no it's okay book it.. And don't forget my shoes.Me: okay bye..

I thought what was the big deal about a shoe. Rishi was not the kind of guy who would think so much about a shoe. I thought well he must be excited about it.