Zessa

chapter 1

Tessa

I had such a good time with Zayn at Applebee's. I really enjoy his company, and nothing is hard with him. Harry made everything so difficult. He lied to me and chewed me up and spit me out time and time again.

My mind drifts back to the bet and my curiosity gets the best of me.

"What do you think would've happened if you won?" I ask hesitantly.

His eyelashes cast long shadows on his cheekbones as he looks down at his hands. "I know I would've told you before I let it get that far. I always wanted to tell you." He swallows and looks up at me. "Every time I saw you with him, I wanted to. You have to know that."

My voice is barely a whisper. "I believe you."

His eyes find his hands again. "Then . . . I think you could've forgiven me. And I would've taken you out on dates, proper dates, like the movies, or dinner, and we would've had fun. And I'd like to think, after a while, you would've fallen for me the way you fell for him, and when it was right, when the time was right . . ." He clears his throat before continuing. "And I never would've told anyone. I would never have done what he did. Hell, I wouldn't even have hung out with them anymore. I would've spent every second with you, talking to you, making you giggle the way you do when you think something is really funny. It's different from your regular laugh. It's how I know when I'm really making you happy, and you're not just faking it."

He gives me a small smile and my heart begins to pick up speed.

"I would've appreciated you. I never would have lied to you. I wouldn't have mocked you behind your back, or called you names. I wouldn't have worried about my reputation, and . . . I think we could've been happy. You could've been happy, all the time, not just once in a while. And I'd like to think - "

But before he can finish his sentence, I grasp the collar of his jacket in my right hand and cut him off with a fierce kiss.

The moment he puts his hand to my cheek and curls his fingers around the back of my neck, I'm lost in the feeling of his lips moving against my own. I curl my arms around his neck and lean closer to him, over the center console.

His other hand gently rests itself on my waist and I sigh into his mouth. I just want to stay here forever, in this moment of safety between his arms and my broken heart. But then Harry's angry eyes flash in my mind's eye and I catch my breath.

Don't think about him, I command myself. I belong in this moment. I thread my fingers through Zayn's dark hair and kiss him harder than I ever knew I could.

Zayn

As soon as our lips collide I don't understand what's happening. But it feels better than the other times we've kissed. This is passionate and real, not just for some stupid game. She leans into me and I can't think of anything else but her.

I cup my hand over her cheek and trail my free hand down her back, settling on her soft waist. She sighs into my mouth, sending a jolt of electricity through my veins.

Our lips mold together like they were made for each other. But even though she's here in my arms, she feels distant, like something isn't right. Suddenly, she catches her breath and hesitates for a fraction of a second, before her fingers tangle themselves in my hair and she bites down on my bottom lip with a passion that makes my chest ache.

"God Tessa . . ." I moan and she tugs at my hair and kisses me harder. Like she needs this to live.

I suddenly feel the urge pull away, thinking she doesn't belong to me. I can't do this. She just got out of a relationship. A horrible one, but still, this can't happen.

A thought crosses my mind that horrifies me. Is she just using me to forget Harry?

I pull away from her kiss and look into her beautiful blue-grey eyes. I can see the embarrassment and hurt reflected in their depths.

"Why did you do that?" I demand. Almost immediately after the words find their way out of my mouth, I regret them. They sounded too harsh, too sharp-edged.

She looks away from me, toward the window, and it seems like she's at war with herself as she bites down hard on her full lower lip and clenches her fists in her lap.

Is she thinking about him? She shouldn't be thinking about him. If anything she should be thinking about how incredible that kiss was . . . until it ended.

I can't make out the expression on her face in the near-darkness and I don't know how I should feel. I hold my breath, waiting for her to give me a sign that she's heard me, that she's still here with me.

After a few minutes of uneasy silence, I lean toward her slightly and ask, "Are you okay? I'm sorry." I don't know what I'm giving her an apology for, but the rigidity of her spine and the stiffness of her posture tells me she needs one.

She blinks and turns her head to me, startled, and then mumbles "I'm sorry, I . . . I'm not thinking straight. I . . ." She looks up at me with wide, uncertain eyes.

"Why did you kiss me?" I ask, as gently as I can. I need to know. I need to know what that kiss meant to her. I need to know if it meant as much to her as it did to me, but I don't know if I can handle the answer.

She takes a deep breath and looks down, and my heart thuds in my chest. "I think . . ."

I press my lips tightly together. When she looks back up, her eyes are brilliant with a silent turmoil. She licks her lips, the lips that were against my own just minutes ago, and lets go of the words on her tongue.

"I think I'm in love with you."

Tessa

I can't believe I just said that. The heat rushes to my cheeks and I stare down at my lap. Why did I kiss him, anyway?

"I'm sorry," I say again, quietly. "I don't know . . ."

For a moment, there's silence. Maybe he wants to say something, maybe he wants to run. I thought he liked me, but he doesn't even really know me. Why did I say that?

Zayn clears his throat uncomfortably and says, "Well, um, I had a nice time tonight. Thanks for . . . for bringing me home."

He steps out of the car. Is he just going to ignore my confession? I feel like there's something more I should be doing, something more I should be saying, but I can't quite figure it out. So I try to smile at him and tell him, "I had a really nice time too. I'll, um, I'll see you soon?"

He gives me an awkward smile in return. "Alright, Tessa. Have a good night."

After he shuts the car door behind him and starts for his apartment building, I stay a minute more just to watch him go. Half of me knows I shouldn't feel like this, I shouldn't feel like I want to stay and follow this road where it will lead. It's the half of me that still remembers Harry, the half of me that still loves him as he was in those moments when we were happy. But the other half of me wants to do everything I can to just forget him and move on.

The rational side wins out. Zayn didn't even reply after I admitted that I thought I loved him. I should go before I make an even bigger fool out of myself. My heart is heavy with regret as I shift into drive and pull out of the dark parking lot.