Zessa

chapter 2

Chapter 2

Tessa

The streetlights dance past my windows in flickers of gold and silver as I pull onto the freeway, heading back to Liam’s place. I feel torn and directionless, and the ache of missing Harry has returned to my chest, where it pulses like an angry, half-healed wound around my heart.

I don’t know what to think or how to feel about what just happened. I acted so rashly, without thinking, but his words were so perfect. The earnest expression in his eyes as he looked up at me made it impossible not to believe him. And I can’t shake the thought that it isn’t just him - it’s me, too. I want to believe him. I want to believe that I can move on.

You would’ve fallen for me the way you fell for him . . .

You could’ve been happy, all the time . . .

And then the blank, emotionless expression on his face when I admitted to him that there was a chance, the slimmest of chances, really, that I could be in love with him.

How could I have read the signs so wrong?

If I weren’t all cried out, I think I would be crying right now. I park my car alongside Liam’s in the driveway and grab my purse before making my way into the sweet-smelling warmth of this familiar house. As I pull off my shoes and line them up with Karen’s on the rack by the front door, I hear Liam come down the stairs.

“Hey,” he says, smiling down at me. "Where have you been?"

"I went for dinner with Zayn," I say tiredly. I know what Liam will think, but I honestly don't have the energy right now.

Liam follows me into the kitchen, where I fill a glass of water and sit down at the counter. "How was it?" he asks softly.

I shrug. "It was alright." I take a sip of my water and focus on the counter, avoiding Liam's eyes. "I kissed him."

"What?"

I flush. I didn't mean to say that out loud. "I, um, I kissed Zayn. When I dropped him off at his apartment."

"Why?" Liam stares at me like I'm a stranger.

I bury my face in my palms. "I don't know. We were talking, and then I just couldn't stop myself."

"What does this mean?" Liam asks.

I laugh through my fingers. "That's the same thing he asked. I guess I . . . I don't really know."

He hesitates, then says, "Does this mean you're through with Harry? For good?"

I didn't want to talk about Harry tonight. I can feel the treacherous tears struggle to my eyes and make their desperate bid for freedom. The ache in my chest swells up again, hotter and more bitter than ever. "I don't know," I say through the thick lump in my throat. I take another mouthful of water to try and swallow it down, but that just makes it hurt more.

"If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine," Liam says quickly. He pulls up a chair. "I'll just sit here and be quiet."

I sigh and force myself to stop crying. I wipe the moisture from under my eyes and settle my hands on the countertop.

"It's just that I still love him, and I miss him, and I'd do anything to fix this, I really would," I explain. "But then I also know he won't come back. And even if he did, I shouldn't forgive him, I shouldn't take him back. I just can't help but want it."

Liam frowns. "Where does kissing Zayn Malik come into all this?"

I throw my hands up. "It doesn't! That's the problem."