Lost Without You

22. Messy

*Steve's POV*
Around 8 am, I dragged myself out of Y/N's bed. I ended up staying the night at her apartment. We were up very late talking, and I also really didn't want to go back to HQ. I hadn't spoken to anyone besides Thor since I overheard them gossiping in Wakanda. And the whole people turning into dust thing was something I was hoping to avoid having to deal with. Nevertheless, I gave Y/N a soft kiss on the forehead and quietly left her apartment without waking her up. I left her a note on the kitchen counter and reluctantly drove into work.

There were half as many cars in the parking lot at HQ as there usually was. I parked and silently walked inside, straight to the conference room. A few people tried to stop me and ask me questions about the current situation, but what did they expect me to tell them? I knew just as much as they did. But most people didn't dare to go near me. Lots of people turned away or moved when I walked by them. They probably hated me, since I failed. I was supposed to protect this country, and this planet, and I didn't. Opening the door to the conference room, I saw Nat and Bruce.

"Steve...hi." Nat said distractedly as she looked at some data.

"Hey man, you uhh, you didn't come in last night? Where were you? Is everything okay?" Bruce asked. I think he was being genuine, but I didn't feel like explaining myself to everyone...again.

"Everything's fine. Anything new?"

"This device, it's the one that girl called about, we don't know what it is or what it does. It's just been beeping nonstop for hours." I walked out of the room and took a look at the device. Bruce filled me in on some technology stuff, which I didn't understand, but I had faith that he knew what he was doing. However, none of us knew what it was. I went back over to where Nat was and took a look at the newest data. Somehow, the numbers were still climbing.

"This is a nightmare."

"I've had better nightmares." Nat said, and honestly, so had I.

"Hey, so that thing just stopped doing whatever the hell it's been doing." Rhodey informed us. This couldn't be good...or could it? After all, we had no idea what the thing was even doing in the first place. We went back over to where the device was.

"What do we got?"

"Whatever signal it was sending finally crapped out."

"I thought we bypassed the battery?"

"We did. It's still plugged in, it just stopped."

"Reboot it. Send the signal again." What if this was the key to something that could help us? The thing couldn't just stop, we had to try again.

"We don't even know what this is."

"Fury did. Just do it, please. You tell me the second you get a signal. I want to know who's on the other end of that thing." Nat was right. If Fury knew what this thing was, then it couldn't be something bad, right? As if on cue, another girl showed up right as Nat started to walk away.

"Where's Fury?" The girl said with a very serious tone. How did she even get in here? We have security for a reason.

"Uhhh who the hell are you?" Rhodey asked what we all were thinking.

"My name is Carol Danvers. Where's Fury?"

"Why are you looking for him?" Nat said. But as I got a closer look at Carol, I realized her suit matched with the design on the device.

"Wait, you came here because of this signal, am I right?" I pointed to the device.

"You are correct. Where's Fury?"

"Fury turned to dust." Bruce blurted out. Carol's expression softened and seemed sadder.

"How did you know him?" I knew Fury kept a lot of secrets, was Carol one of them?

"I met him in the 1990's. There was a skrull invasion on your planet."

"Skrull?"

"Wait, you're from another planet? Do you know Thor? Thor, get in here!" Bruce yelled. I almost didn't realize that Thor was missing. Thor slowly walked in dressed in an oversized hoodie and sweatpants, which wasn't his typical outfit. He didn't look like himself, well, none of us did I guess.

"I do not know who that man if that's what you were asking. I am from earth, but there was an explosion, then I was abducted by Kree—"

"I'm sorry, what? I'm not following you here." Bruce was very confused. I mean, we all were, but Bruce had an especially difficult time understanding Carol's story.

"Never mind, it's not important. I'm from earth, but I have powers. I can like, fly through space and blast stuff."

"You can fly through space?" Rocket chimed in. Had he been here the whole time? I didn't even notice him in the corner of the room. I was still getting used to having a talking raccoon around.

"Yes. I'm assuming you guys are the Avengers? I've heard about you."

"Ya, that's us, well, what's left of us." Nat said looking around the room at who had survived. Thor still hadn't said a word. He sat down next to Rocket with his head in his hands.

"A lot of us...vanished. And Tony, he's...well, he's somewhere in space, if he didn't vanish." Rhodey looked down as he said this. God, I had completely forgotten about Tony. I hoped he was okay. I always thought I would have the chance to make things right with him, but now, maybe I wouldn't.

"Wait Carol, do you think you could find him?" Bruce said with the slightest bit of hope in his voice, something we were all lacking.

"I don't know who this Tony guy is, but possibly." With that, everyone left the room to discuss how they planned to find Tony. To me, it seemed like a long shot, but it was worth it. I hung back with Thor for a moment before we joined the others.

"Hey, how are you doing Thor?" He didn't speak, but his eyes said it all. I could tell he felt the same way I did, but was showing it more than me. Both of us felt like we failed, which we did. Thor stood up, looked me dead in the eyes for just a second, and then continued walking. Clearly, he didn't want to talk. I followed him out of the room to where everyone else was.

I was pretty zoned out for the rest of the day. This was all just...a lot. Rhodey, Carol, Nat, and Bruce devised a plan on how to rescue Tony. I monitored the ever-rising missing persons numbers. Thor and Rocket disappeared to god knows where. My mind often wandered to Y/N. As horrible as all this was, I was grateful to have her in my life. I got so lucky that she didn't turn to dust, but I know some very important people in her life did. And I was determined to bring them back, if there was ever a way that I could. When I wasn't thinking about Y/N, I thought about the baby Nat and I lost. It felt like a stinging pain in my chest. I was unable to protect my kid and it wasn't even born yet. What kind of father would I have been? There were so many emotions running through my body, my head was a mess. I wanted to talk to Y/N, but I was afraid of her reaction to knowing about the baby, and that I slept with Nat. I mean, we weren't dating then, but still. So I kept it all to myself. I knew I should've told her about the kid and everything I was going through, but I couldn't risk losing her again, not after I just got her back.

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So I didn't reread this so I apologize for any errors. Also thanks for 3k reads! Love you 3000 ;)