I Choose You

Seventeen

Shade

Farley gets released tomorrow, I can finally see her, and my unborn child.  From my fogged memory, she should be giving birth about a month after Evangeline.  

Evangeline. 

She was always on the Scarlet Guards kill list for sure, but now that she is with child with the future prince or princess, she becomes on the 7-month waitlist for that.

Cal isn't pleased, that much is certain, he has a disdain towards Evangeline, a past at least.  Something went on between them or Evangeline wouldn't be pregnant.  I can tell by the look on Cal's jealous face that it wasn't planned.  Nothing nowadays is planned anymore.  I know I wasn't, Mother says I was a happy miracle, along with every other child she's had.  Little did she know that her first girl is on the fast track to being Queen of Norta. 

Gisa hasn't said a word, too busy with her work, she is also a little jealous of Mare, I can tell.  Trammy and Bree stay quiet, they've never informed me on much anyway.  It's a joy of being a middle child.  I just sit upstairs, fiddling with my hands while the Winter breeze blows outside, the tree branches scratching against the windows.  

Mother and Father have been silent ever since Mare chose Maven, I don't know what they think, I feel as if I am the only one who is thankful Mare chose him, she will hopefully have a full life of joy with Maven.  Maven really has changed with Mare; he must really love her then.  Mare deserves happiness after everything that she's been through, hopefully she can see Maven really cares for her. 

It feels weird being home without Mare, without her spark, the house is dull.  I am in her used-to-be room, her things were almost exactly the way they were when she left the first time.  I sit on the bed, staring out at the plague of nothingness outside.  When we were little, we all engraved our names on the windowsill, they are still there.  We did it as soon as Gisa could write, hers was really sloppy and barely legible, while everyone else's was done nicer as the child was of an older age. 

I never liked sleeping, too much can happen while you do so, that's why I acted as if I slept so I could listen into what was happening around the house. 

Nothing was going on in the house except other people's dreams, but I decided to stay awake anyway.

Who knows what can happen? 

Mare

Maven was busy tonight, he forgot he had a late council meeting with the High Houses.  It was about midnight, I couldn't but help to be worried about where he was this late.  I shouldn't be worried.  Just a month ago I wanted him dead.  Can emotions really change this fast?

Is the one thing I never let happen again happening?

Is the impossible happening?

Am I falling for Maven Calore once again? 

No, no I wouldn't let that happen.  I know he loves me, he always will.  Simply because I am me, no matter what I do he will love me.  Could I have a life with him?  I had a life with him, I once upon a time was his betrothed.  

But now, even the thought of having a life with him once again comes into view, does it sound all that bad?  Being Queen of Norta?  Ruling the nation with Maven by my side?

We already spend nights together, and I cling onto him as if he is my lifeline during my sleep.  And people say, when you sleep, who you really are shows.  Does that mean deep down I still love him? 

I love the Maven I was engaged to, not the one Elara made.  But like Maven said, Elara is gone now, dead.  I can see the old Maven coming back.  He was the one who taught me about betrayal.