Just...Life

read this if you think boys are stupid

It all really started when I was a freshman and he was a sophomore. The first time I had 'talked' to him was during the winter play, we were theater friends. We didn't talk outside of theater. Our friendship friendship started towards the end of February, February 21st if I remember correctly. We had PE together, and I needed a ride to the bowling alley, he was one of the only people I was even remotely friends with. I didn't think much would come out of it, but we slowly started to talk more. I added him on Snapchat that summer because his name popped up, and I thought it'd be nice for us to be able to talk. The fall of my sophomore year and his junior year is when we became even closer. He decided to do oral Interp, along with the fall play. And because we were doing both of these things together, we spent a lot of time together. I need to preference here that before him, I had never ever had a real crush on someone. I've never had a boyfriend/girlfriend, ive never been on a date, and I've never had my first kiss. I didn't know how to act, therefore I was not subtle about it(despite what 14/15 year old me thought). He had a girlfriend, I'm not about that. So I pushed whatever I was feeling to the side and let it be. I should also say that his girlfriend did not like me, like at all at this point(she did when I first started to be friends with him but whatever). I liked her, she was really nice and she made him happy so like. Anyway that's not where I'm trying to go with this. A couple of months ago, April 22 to be exact, someone told me to just tell him that I liked him, at the time I didn't realize it was because they knew that he already knew. That went on until a week ago, when someone told me that I needed to tell him because someone else already did and that he knew so it didn't really matter. So on Wednesday I was at my bsf's house, and I decided to just text him and get it over with. So I messaged him and said "Yo, what do you know?" and he responded with "You are still into me?" Which I didn't even know he said until yesterday because I was too much of a chicken shit to see what his first response was, based on my friends reaction. He told me that he's known literally the entire time because I made it very obvious(which I can't argue with, because what 14 year old is subtle?) He thought we had already talked about it, which we hadn't, he said something about not wanting lead me on back in like February and then we never talked about it again. Anyway, I asked him to KOH(King of Hearts it's a dance) because he had just broken up with his girlfriend, and I asked him as friends but he took it as me asking him like as a date date, which pegs the question why'd he say yes? I'll probably never know. Clearly he didn't care, otherwise we wouldn't still be friends. Boys really ain't shit. I really started this to explain why he means so much to me, and I don't want to lose him, but now that I think about. He knew before I knew he knew and we were fine, so I really don't think anything is going to change, because I'm pretty much over him anyway. But while I'm here, is anyone else on August 27th tiktok?