15.3.1.
I feel empty. I would add some beautiful metaphor to describe the feeling but none I think of could do the feeling justice. I just have an ache inside me wanting to feel, to feel anything. I feel nothing. Actually, that's wrong. I do feel some emotions of annoyance, anger, sadness, fleeting bursts of quick joy, disgust, hate, etc.
I hate when people say a depressed person isn't really depressed if they smile or laugh. I don't care what kind of place you're in in your life, you can always find something to distract your mind for even just a couple seconds and find something that fills your need of joy if only for just a few seconds. You just have to find that joy and hold onto it. Most of the time, you let it slip away, and that's okay. It's okay if you're not ready to stop feeling sad. It's okay if you're done with feeling like shit. It's okay to feel however you want. Everyone has that right. No need to justify it.
I just need to find that happiness. Something to hold onto to lead me out of the dark. Someone or something to guide me to the light, no matter how hard I struggle. Because I think that's what I truly need.
