I always blamed my anxiety,
Clouded my vision from you
And everything you would do.
Always blamed my anxiety
But it always was you.
I was a bystander,
Blissfully unaware
Of the things you would do when I'm not there.
My love for you concealed,
Your lack of love for me.
I always felt so close
But it was all a hoax.
We made it so far,
But in the end
I allowed myself to see the beast you really are.
I could see now,
My eyes were open wide.
But theres still something,
Something inside,
That keeps me here with you.
I always knew,
Inside I knew the terrors,
The way you are.
The constant battery,
Left me more than just physically bruised.
I stay though,
My love is a powerful force.
More powerful than the filthy deceits,
The constant fighting,
And your going behind my back.
I always feared,
The consequences of leaving,
Of being myself.
I couldn't make myself responsible for making me feel that way
So with you I stay.
I thought you were different,
I thought you shared some feelings for me,
Besides making me watch you cut,
Hitting me,
Using me for sex.
I always lost,
You would always "win",
And I surrender after the fights.
You thought I was your doll, and
Gradually, you broke me down.
I couldn't do it anymore,
I had taken the wretched abuse long enough.
I leave the pain, the lies,
The hurt,
No longer will I be your bitch.
I always took the abuse,
And the abuse took it's own toll on me.
Shattered me, left me questioning,
My self worth,
And what I really was to you.
I lost a lot to your twisted ways,
To me you were more than just a phase,
You could see how much I loved you, needed you,
But you used it against me,
Capitalising and contorting love to hurt me.
I always thought one was the loneliest number,
But I'd take being on my own any day
Over the horrific way of life you provide,
Using the term "life" to its broadest potential
You. Ruined. ME.
