He had regressed, the therapist had been understanding about it. So their talks now were about the problem at hand. Blaine, his relationship. The stress he was putting himself under. The blame he had placed on his own shoulders over the divorce.
He didn't exactly agree with her, but one look in her eyes had him believing anything she told him. She had been kind, and supportive. Mercedes had taken it upon herself to come with him, sit in on his sessions with him. His therapist didn't mind the extra person in the room.
She said he needed the friendship and the guidance.
After another emotional session, Mercedes took him back to her place. She said she had hidden knives, razors and alcohol, so he wouldn't be tempted again.
He smiled at her.
After his regression, when Mercedes had ran for her phone and called Blaine to come and help her in a panic, they had made an emergency appointment with his therapist and taken him to the hospital.
He couldn't breathe because he had a panic attack. The cut on his wrist wasn't an attempt at suicide, but it was deep enough to need stitches.
He didn't like the stares. The sadness in Mercedes and Blaine's eyes as they watched him.
He knew he was broken, they didn't need to keep reminding him.
After he was released, Blaine and Mercedes had discussed he shouldn't be left alone, and Blaine would take care of Elly, while Kurt stayed with Mercedes for now. Until he felt better.
His therapist agreed with Mercedes, that staying with someone else would be better for him now.
He sat at Mercedes kitchen table while she made them breakfast, she had a specialty of making waffles, and Kurt smiled as he watched her. She turned to him with a grin as she moved around the kitchen, grabbing fruit and juice from the refrigerator and then placed a plat of waffles in front of him, with some strawberries and a cup of orange juice, before sitting opposite him.
"How do you feel today boo?" she asked him and he shrugged with a small smile.
"Not bad."
"Good." She said as she plated up her own breakfast, topping it with fruit.
"I'm sorry 'cedes, I really am." he said with a small frown, eyeing his bandaged wrist and then looking down at the table.
She reached for his hand and held it gently, running a thumb over his knuckles, which were red and sore, apparently from punching his bathroom mirror, which he had no clue about.
"Kurt, baby, it's ok." She said soothingly, and he nodded a little.
"I just, I'm not sure how to get past everything." He said quietly, picking up a strawberry and chewing slowly, and she shrugged.
"There isn't a time table for this sort of thing Kurt, but trust me, honey, we'll get you there."
He threw her a small grin again, and she released his hand. They ate the rest of their breakfast in silence, before the doorbell rang. She got up to answer it, and Kurt sighed. Guess there's no rest for the wicked.
"Hey baby, come in." He heard her say as she opened the door.
"Is he ok?" Came Blaine's voice, and Kurt rolled his eyes with a small smile.
"He's better." She answered before footsteps sounded and Kurt sat up a little straighter.
Blaine appeared in the kitchen first, followed by Mercedes, and Kurt waved a little in greeting.
"Hey Kurt, how are you feeling?" Blaine asked as he sat down at the table, and Kurt shrugged.
"erm...not great but not horrible either."
"That's good." Blaine said as he reached out a hand and took Kurt's lightly.
"Baby, I'm going to go take a shower," Mercedes told Kurt from the door, and he nodded before she pointedly stared at him, "you should talk."
He sighed a little as she disappeared and looked back at Blaine, who was staring a little at the bandage around his wrist. Kurt moved his hand from Blaine's and hid it from view, forcing Blaine to shake off whatever he was thinking about and look back up at him.
"How's the therapy going?"
"It's ok, how's Elly?"
"She's doing ok, I guess, it was hard for her when I explained how ill you were."
"Sorry." He frowned and looked down at the table, until Blaine's hands stretched across the table quickly in a kind gesture.
"No, no, your therapist said you should stop apologizing for things you can't help," Blaine said giving Kurt a sad look, "it's in the past now, all we can do is move forward."
Kurt nodded.
"Please tell me, was it the fact that Elly stayed with me and Brad that set you off? Honestly?"
"Honestly, that was part of it I guess." Kurt explained slowly, shrugging a little in defeat of the fact that he needed to talk this out with his ex husband, "But, the other part is, I haven't really felt any better since we got divorced, and I know it was for the best, but I can't help but feel it was my fault, even though everyone tells me it's not. I don't believe it."
"Kurt-" He started but Kurt cut him off.
"And I just-It's hard for me...seeing you with someone else, seeing Elly getting along with someone else," he said as the tears slipped out of his eyes again, he quickly wiped them away, "and my therapist is great but no-one else really understands."
"I'm sure she's seen a lot of people in your shoes." Blaine said quietly and Kurt sighed a little.
"Yes, but come on, she's a girl in her twenties, there's a lot the world hasn't shown her yet, a lot she hasn't experienced. She's nice, and it's nice to talk to her, don't get me wrong, but she can't really empathize."
"So talk to me, I'm here. And I know you really well."
"Yeah." Kurt breathed out a little and then looked into Blaine's eyes, seeing the honesty and interest in them, "She's been wanting me to talk my feelings out with you for a while."
"And why haven't you?"
"I'm afraid I guess." Kurt admitted and Blaine's eyebrows furrowed.
"Afraid of what?"
"Rejection, sympathy...of my heart breaking even more."
"Oh Kurt."
"I miss you," Kurt added quickly, "and I know it's been a few months, and you have someone else, but I can't help it, I miss you, I love you."
Blaine stared at him with an unreadable expression and Kurt carried on.
"I'm not saying it for any kind of reason, it's just how I feel."
"Ok." Blaine said and Kurt stared at him for a second before his eyes fell again to the table, "if it will help, I'll keep Brad out of sight of you and Elly, ok?"
"I guess it would help." Kurt said slowly.
"Ok, I'm sorry it put so much stress on you, I didn't mean for it to."
"I know." He gave Blaine a small smile, which he returned. Kurt felt a little better knowing now that Blaine knew just how hard it was for him.
"Hey, why don't you come over tonight, spend some time with me and Elly?"
"I don't know." he hesitated and Blaine caught one of his hands again, giving him a friendly look.
"Just us, I promise," He said and Kurt raised his eyebrows at the pleading look on Blaine's face, he could never say no to those eyes, "please, she wants to see you."
"Ok."
