The Happy Diary

We have a cooking show... no, we cannot cook

*It's a completely normal afternoon full of procrastinating, when Ashley storms into the apartment, bursting out in laughter.*

Andy: *after a few seconds of watching Ashley basically choking on her own saliva* Would you mind explaining what the fuck is going on?

Ashley: *is still wheezing*

Andy: ...  ASHLEY WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE?!

Ashley: You won't believe that!

*Andy rolls his eyes to the back of his head. Ashley starts explaining.*

Ashley: There was a girl at the shop and she was checking me out-

Andy: I admit, that's a miracle, i'm quite frankly amazed.

Ashley: Shut up! So she's checking me out and i'm thinking about talking to her... WHEN SHE BITES HER LIP AND I LOOSE MY SHIT- *starts laughing again*

Andy: Jesus fucking Christ ASHLEY! U cereal?

Ashley: Dead grass Chocapic bitch.

Andy: *facepalms and then notices a strange object in Ashley's hand* What's that?

Ashley: Huh?

Andy: The cup, what's in the cup?

Ashley: ... diabetes?

Andy: Could you specify...?

Ashley: ... gay diabetes?

Andy: *quietly* Jesus, what did i even expect?

Ashley: I hope it wasn't more than my genius answer.

Andy: No. It was just an intellectual one.

Ashley: Bitch. I hope you purchase a cup of gay diabetes too and die of that sweetness.

Andy: Nah fam, i am sweeter than the gay diabetes.

Ashley: No, you're fucking bitter.

Andy: Piss off. What else did you buy, i'm starving.

Ashley: I bought some sushi-

Andy: *excited* SUSHI?

Ashley: ... socks.

Andy: OH COME ON, THAT'S DISAPPOINTING-

Ashley: Do you even know how GREAT they are?!

Andy: I have to cook a dinner you dumbass piece of a bamboo!

Ashley: There will surely be something in the bag-

Andy: *rolls his eyes* Pray for it to be worth the dinner or i will become a cannibal.

Ashley: *muttering* It was worth the socks...

*A few minutes later, Ashley is vibing to the sound of Little Mix, hopelessly crushing over Perrie and Jade, Andy is in the kitchen. There is a strange smell...* 

Ashley: Andy are you burning something?

Andy: No, i'm cooking.

Ashley: What are you cooking?

Andy: Sushi.

*Ashley tries to proceed the information.*

Ashley: WAIT A MINUTE-

*Ashley sees her new socks being fried in a pan.*

Ashley: YOU ROTTEN SALAD, LEAVE MY SOCKS ALONE!

Andy: Well you didn't buy anything else, knucklehead.

Ashley: THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE TO COOK MY CLOTHES-

Andy: *quietly* Can't appreciate a joke...

Ashley: You can't cook!

Andy: Says a person who has a cooking show that is only making money because of the teenagers who make fun of how HORRIBLE your food is!

Ashley: That's not important.

Andy: That IS important!

Ashley: You know what? Fuck it, let's order a pizza...

*Andy dials the pizza number. After a while, he has to explain where does he live.*

Andy: Well uhm... it's the apartment with the rainbow door, you won't miss it... okay thanks, bye!

Ashley: So what about our dinner?

Andy: It'll be here in a minute...

Ashley: If it's gonna be as awful as always, i swear i'm throwing it at the pizza man.

Andy: Let's look at the bright side. It'll be better than the socks.

Ashley: I sure as hell hope so.

*After twenty minutes of Andy screeching at the TV, Ashley walking back and forth and listening to Andy's rants about every hot person who is on the screen, the doorbell rings.*

Andy: *high pitched scream* PIZZA!

*Andy opens the door. Then freezes.*

Andy: *looking at Ashley, mouthing* A hot pizza dude!

*Ashley rolls her eyes. When Andy's flirting gets really annoying, she punches him in the arm.*

Ashley: That's enough, Casanova, you have a boyfriend, remember?

Andy: No, I—

Ashley: Thanks for the pizza!

*Ashley shuts the door closed. The last thing they both see is the confused pizza dude.*

Andy: WHY DID YOU DO THAT?

Ashley: He was UGLY-

Andy: YOU RUINED ALL MY EFFORT!

Ashley: Jesus, times were better even when you were whining about some stupid TV shows, I swear...

Andy: Shut up and give me the pizza instead.

Ashley: Oh right, the dinner...

*Andy and Ashley are eating, when the phone rings.*

Ashley: Why are my parents calling?

Andy: *slightly panicking* How am I supposed to know?

Ashley: *takes the phone* Hey? ... yeah, we'll be home on Sunday, why? ... oh right, yes... yes sure... okay, see you then, bye!

Andy: What is happening?

Ashley: It seems like my parents want to come over to visit us tomorrow...

*Andy gets really quiet and pale for some unknown reason.*

Andy: Oh... um... I might have forgotten to tell you... my parents also want to visit us tomorrow-

*Both Ashley and Andy stare into the void for quite some time, then look at each other and say only two words, describing their thoughts perfectly.*

Andy and Ashley: Well, fuck.