Always Under the Night Sky

Hesitancy

Forgetting Zuko and his confession was easier said than done. Especially when a letter from him rested in Katara's room waiting to be read. It had been two weeks since the incident and it kept replaying in her head at every waking hour. Almost as soon as they returned from their trip, she left the Fire Nation claiming to be needed in the South Pole; which wasn't a lie, she had promised to visit soon and help with reconstructions.

She figured space would help them both clear their heads. Hopefully, he would come to his senses and realize what a ridiculous notion it was. At least that's what she hoped the contents of the letter would be, but she was too nervous to find out. The thought of finding anything but him admitting to being wrong left her petrified. Yet, the thought of him taking back his love for her also left her equally terrified. She wished she could explain why she felt the way she did. Any sane person would be thrilled to be with someone so close to them. However, those fortunate souls did not have such a convoluted history between themselves.

Normally a letter from Zuko made her giddy and she would rip it open the minute it was in her hands; this time, however, receiving the letter almost sent her into a state of panic. A shiver ran across her entire body upon learning he had more to say and wrote it to her. She contemplated not opening but ultimately decided she had to, she had to know what was inside. Though she had made a decision, she decided to put it off. "Just until tonight," she told herself.

She was just fortunate to have duties to attend that would distract her from the letter and Zuko. For the most part, Katara was able to keep him out of her thoughts. There were only a few instances in which thoughts of him came rushing in. Some of those highlights being when she almost shrieked no at a council meeting when someone suggested trading with the Fire Nation or when she made a face when they proposed they move her statue closer to Zuko's for the memorial they were building. Katara purposefully kept herself as busy as possible all day trying to avoid the letter and her thoughts. Even going as far as to join the children who were playing in the snow, which wasn't unusual for her, but it was when they started going home and she insisted they stay.

Upon returning home her body was exhausted from all she had forced herself through. Too tired for anything else, she took herself straight to bed. She got comfortable quickly and was about to doze off when she remembered. "The letter." With that, her mind started reeling.

"I'm too tired, I can get to it tomorrow." Which only half true, yes+- her body was weak, but she knew she would only put it off again. Her body was fatigued and in desperate need of rest, but her mind was bursting with activity. As much as she tried to sleep, she couldn't, her mind was on the letter and Zuko and there was only one-way ease her thoughts.

Angry with herself she sat up in a huff and reached over to the letter. "Let's just get this over with," she thought to herself as she began opening the letter. She closed her eyes, inhaled to try and calm herself, and began reading.

Dear Katara,

I was sad to hear you left without a goodbye. There was so much more I wish I could have told you in person, but I suppose this letter will have to do.

I meant every word I said to you, I love you. You don't want to hear me say that and I won't claim to know why. But I do understand that a relationship between us would be difficult. If I were in love with someone I would back away, but since it is you who I have fallen for I stand firm in my position.

We have both been through so much together. I've been able to witness how strong and powerful you are. You've overcome everything that has been thrown your way. Which is why I don't understand your sudden inability to make a move. What petrifies you so much that you wouldn't be willing to fight for us?

I know you well enough to know that I can't be only with these feelings. I've never opened myself up to anyone the way I have with you and you have told me the same. We understand each other better than anyone else. You told me that we are nothing more than friends, but I doubt you feel the same way for your other friends as you do for me.

I wanted to be able to let you go. Originally, those were my intentions with this letter. However, after much deliberation after you left, I am not sure I will ever be able to do so. I will never hold you back from anything or anyone if you never chose me. But know that I will wait for you. I know that I'll never love anyone like you, you have taken my heart hostage and it is now yours forever. I hope you are gentle with it.

Love,

Zuko

After reading the letter Katara took in a deep breath, realizing she hadn't been breathing while reading. She wanted to throw the letter across the room or rip to shreds but couldn't bring herself to do so. The letter had been the opposite of what she wanted but it angered her that she felt a slight sense of relief. What was wrong with her that the thought of him waiting relived her? She couldn't love Zuko, she had to stop herself from ever feeling that way about him.

If she loved him, she knew she couldn't admit to herself. They would be met with adversaries at every angle and would not last. Selfishly, she wanted all of him; she didn't want to be him briefly only to be torn apart. She knew she would never recover from loving him. How could she voice this to him? He was already under so much scrutiny, adding her on top of it all would worsen his load. She wouldn't. She couldn't be with him if it would only create more problems for him.

Zuko wasn't the only one with patience. Yes, he would wait, but eventually, he would need an heir. Eventually, something would be arranged for him. Katara would settle for someone and marry them to show Zuko nothing would ever happen between them. If she waited long enough the problem would fix itself. It wouldn't be the happiest alternative for them, but it was the one that needed to happen. Because she loved him she could never be with him.