to be honest, I can't remember how it started.. it just did. one day I was here and the next day I wasn't. I'm not speaking in literal terms, everything just changed. I feel like I've lost who I was, I feel like I don't even know myself. I don't know how much longer this can go on..
"PAGE", fuck I was interrupted from my thoughts to my high ass friend passing me the bong. "dude do you think a higher power exist?" definitely not. "uh no.. why?" "I don't know she wondering" she responded as she shrugged, "it's like you never know if anything's true, or how the world really came to be or what's going to happen when you die" hopefully I just die. " yeah your overthinking it bro just live" I tell her.. thoughts wonder in my head as I try to process what she said. I look down and check my phone *3:47 AM* fuck, I have to get up early tomorrow "yo kate I'll see you tomorrow it's later then I thought" I tell her as I get up getting my stuff together to leave. "okay bye drive safe and text me when you get home or if you need anything".. yeah yeah okay. the drive home is pretty quiet, I decide to take the long way so I can enjoy the scenery. you see a lot of people come to california for the wrong reasons, I'm here mainly for the natural aesthetic, everything in cali is so beautiful. except for the people & the constant misconception that we're all rich & living it up. I promise you it's not like that, most of us are dying on the inside. I finally arrive to my shitty ass apartment I worked so hard to get. I walk in get a gatorade and head straight to bed. I start to fall asleep when my phone goes off, I roll over to see incoming call: kate:) " hello" "hey bitchhhhh" she responds on the other line obviously high. "wassup man it's 4 in the morning" "well for one you never texted me.. and for two I had a great idea" here we go again another great idea from kate, I let out a soft sigh. "and what would this great idea be?" "let's go too...WARPED TOUR" "warped tour? wth is that? I asked. "only the greatest alt bands ever performing, come on it'll be good to get out and I already got the tickets" I never win arguments like these, I just hope nothing bad happens like last time.. "okay kate, I'm going to sleep" pause.. "so you'll go?" she responds enthusiastically. what the fuckkkkkkk ughhh. "whatever you want, let's just be safe this time" "yeah yeah we will be your gonna have fun and you need to loosen up, you know your mom would want you too" ouch. the mention of my mom hits a painful part of my brain and triggers waterworks and overflowing emotions. "yeah" I say as my voice cracks. "oh, page I'm sorry I didn't mean-" "it's okay your right, I'll talk to you tomorrow about it goodnight" "goodnight love you" beep beep beep. finally, it's over. I know your all thinking I'm a shitty friend but trust me everyone has there reasons, I love kate but she's never really been a thinker, or the safest and maybe my mom would still be alive if I didn't go out with her that night.. but let's not get into that. I love her, she's like my sister. I just need to heal.. I think. my mind starts wondering.. so I open up Instagram. like, like, like, oh more news about trump greattttt, okay this is boring I click off and turn my light on, I look at myself in the mirror gosh I look like shit. I ruffled my hair, and squinted my eyes. nope still look shitty. I lay back down sighing hard. I open my camera and try to take a decent photo
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after I post my crappy picture, i drift back off too sleep. what a life.
