uh oh

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POV Rachel

After Bridget had walked out on me like dad, I decided I was going to go to the beach. I shanked my mom (she regenerates) and got the car keys. Despite the fact that I'm 11, I'm legally allowed to drive because I'm the mayor.

I drive my limo down to the beach, running into trees and a river but it's fine. I'm rich so I can pay for it.

As I near the beach, I see someone sitting on the sand. My first instinct is to run over them like all the other children on the way here, but I refrain. It's my day off, I don't want a lawsuit.

However, as I near I know I probably should have run them over. It's my sister, Bridget. I hate her so much. She thinks she's so much better than me, and everyone else. I just want her to love me like I love her, but she's so busy with her Chanel that she can't see past her ostentatiously large sunglasses.

I think of a plan, and jump out of my car while it's still moving. Going down into the sand I use all my experience of watching House Flipper to build the best sand castle. Like all the good white people building houses, there are no interior walls, and I add some darker, wet sand for an "accent" wall.

"DO YOU LIKE MY SANDCASTLE?" I scream. I haven't learned how to talk normally yet, since Bridget is lowkey deaf.

She glares at me, and then her face softens. "Yes."

Every part of me is sister shaking. I'm too busy being sh00k that I don't notice Bridget build a much better sandcastle, or the limo start going into the water. I only look up when I hear the telltale SCHHHHHRRHUHDHCHH of metal scraping an ocean floor. (This has happened before)

I get up and start running towards the car. Or, not really running since I only have tiny legs, but quickly walking. I manage to make it to the car before it gets too far out, but not before it's completely submerged. Thankfully I've been blessed by a lesbian wizard, and I can teleport.

"Got a figure like a pin-up, got a figure like a doll!"

As I sing the magic spell, me and the car explode and get yeeted back to the house.

Once I land, and the car of course is without a scratch back in the driveway, I look around. That's when I see him.

"HARRY STYLES?!?!??!"

Harry does not respond. He doesn't even look at me. He just blinks in a weird, vacant, almost reptilian way, and starts moonwalking backwards into my "mom's" room.

I sigh, tying my hair into a messy bun. I had to sell my mother for money in order to afford the Harry Styles robot. It's a shame that my sugar daddy Jeff Bezos hasn't paid me yet, or else I would be able to buy the working one that isn't a deadass lizard. Maybe I shouldn't have bought it from Mark Zuckerburg..

I don't have time to complete the thought because Bridget is back with groceries. It looks like lettuce and toilet paper.

"I'm going to go use the bathroom." she says.

I nod, starting to chop the lettuce for salad. My mind begins to wander though, as I hear some...suspicious... noises coming from the bathroom.

"Aaaaah...yess....that feels so good...god yes...yesssssssss..."

I look at Harry Styles.

He looks back at me with his absolutely stunning mechanical eyes.

We hear the toilet flush, the water run, and then she walks out of the bathroom. She's flushed, hair a mess, and still buttoning her pants.

"Have fun?" I ask, a knowing lilt to my voice.

"Yeah, I had to pee so bad."

"OH-" I drop my eyes to my lettuce chopping, and flustered, accidentally chop my own finger off.

"..."

"...are you-"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"