the closest to heaven that i'll ever be

baby carriage

"TT...Toni...hellooo?" Cheryl waved her hand in front of her wife's face. They were sat across from one another on a picnic table at their favorite little hole in the wall ice cream shop in LA. Though, today's trip for ice cream wasn't any kind of celebration. It was more of a need for comfort than anything.

"Huh?"

"Your ice cream's melting all over your hand," the redhead snorted a little, already using her free hand to wipe the sticky mint colored ice cream from Toni's fingers. "You can tell me what's on your mind, you know. I mean, we're married," she said lightly, in an attempt to make the brunette smile. They'd already been married for almost a year, but the vocal reminder never failed to make either of them crack a smile.

"It's okay, Cher, sorry."

"TT..." the redhead gave her a knowing look that still managed to break Toni down even through her tinted sunglasses, "I know you're upset about what the doctor said-"

"She called us old," Toni cut her off with a roll of her eyes from behind her own sunglasses.

Cheryl pursed her lips together, unsure of what to say. It hadn't been an easy conversation with the obstetrician, and it certainly didn't go the way they had planned. "She didn't call us...old," she muttered, staring down at her own strawberry ice cream cone, "Just...not young enough to have any risk-free pregnancies."

"Old," Toni got up to throw the rest of her ice cream cone away.

"Is that really what's got you so upset? Cause you're always the one who says that a person's not old until they feel old," a red tinted eyebrow quirked up in Toni's direction after she sat back down across from her. And the way she slumped onto her elbows against the table with no answer told Cheryl everything she needed to know. "We have other options, Toni..."

The former cheerleader picked her head up and nodded quietly, glancing around the semi-crowded parking lot. "I know we do, but those other options could take years, babe. And we're not getting any younger, obviously. As it is, we're already probably gonna be the oldest people in the PTA or whatever. If one of us were to squeeze one out right now, we'd be nearly sixty when they graduate high school."

"I know," Cheryl sighed, "But...we've talked about this for so long, I want it, you want it...I just...even if it doesn't share either of our DNA. I'd rather wait a few years for a baby than never have one at all. I'd rather be the oldest one at the PTA meeting than never attend one at all."

She reached her free hand across for one of Toni's, squeezing gently. She knew how badly Toni had wanted them to have a child of their own, one that shared their biological traits and could be a miniature version of one of them. Of course, they had talked seriously about it. They'd even gotten a puppy to see if it would fill that empty space in their hearts. But after a few months of doting on the little corgi, they both still felt like that space hadn't been filled. Not that they didn't love the puppy. Oliver just filled a different space.

"I know it's not what you wanted," Cheryl continued, "It's not what I wanted either. But those options Dr. Reed gave us are the only ones we've got. So, if this is still something you want, the sooner we talk about it and make a decision, the less time we'll have to wait....okay?"

Toni nodded.

"Even if they don't have my red hair or your eyes...whoever they are, they'll still be ours, TT. Still a Topaz. That's what matters, right? You can still teach them how to take amazing photos and I can attempt to teach them how to draw..." she trailed off, attempting to read Toni's face even through her sunglasses. "Is it still something you want?"

The brunette nodded again after a few beats, making a hint of a warm smile appear on Cheryl's face. "We need to figure something out, then. Like you said, we're not getting any younger."