Back to the Basics

I was guilty - "words"

You are still  in my daydreams,

Sometimes I feel like our daydreams is a reflection of our heart's desire, 

I'm not sure if I'm confused, or that I want be confused about us, because right fully so, 

 You're not confused about us.

 The dangers of self-deceptions,

 Is that the reason things didn't work out, was a result of the other person, the result...where it was 95% I did the right thing and 5% I fumbled,

 As long as the blame is not on us,

 Prone to pride, the human heart, 

 But Pride goes before destruction, And a haughty spirit before a fall.

 I was helping someone out when I stumbled over the things I said to you, WhatsApp had saved screenshots in a private folder for encrypted messages, 

 I cringed, I physically wanted to shrink back into my skin, I wanted to crawl out of my skin,  I wanted to revisit myself and ask myself, why did you say those things, 

 I was erratic, my response to disappointment where unwarranted, my thought process was perverse from what true love is, and you sadly we're at the receiving end,

 So when I cried, why didn't you fight for us,

 Why would you fight for the abuse I gave,

 My words weren't on the external damaging, for I didn't curse, nor did I call you out of your name,

 But my words were far worse than that they were,  with the ability to phase through the human heart like the flash, 

from my mouth through your heart, 

Like daggers, to shred you apart, 

 So I'm not so shocked you ran, and never looked back.

 My greatest fear was to be a product of , what I to had to live in, reckless words used to tear down the innocent of a child, 

 but I became the very version of the very thing I hated,

 So all these nights of tears, where self-inflicted, 

 You didn't run, you had to protect yourself from the slaughter of my words,

A soothing tongue [speaking words that build up and encourage] is a tree of life, 

 But a perverse tongue [speaking words that overwhelm and depress] crushes the spirit. 

 The countless times I've crushed you with my words,

 I am sorrowful but at the same time overwhelmed with joy, 

 I am overwhelmed that the holy spirit was able to reveal my sinfulness, so that whoever I interact with in the future, will no longer have to have their heart shielded from the potential slaughter of my words in pride, but through the empowerment of the Holy spirit, speak words that bring life, 

 James teaches us that, this walk is not a walk for the striving  of perfection, but progression ,

 For  Christ has already prefected my faith.

 If I could go back, I would not, 

 Not because I'm not guilty, but because it exposed something deep inside of me, which could have assaulted more innocent people in the future, 

 But I am sorry for all the things I've said,

 The things I reckless said,

The things I reckless said,

 It feels weird that I said I loved you, 

 Whilst my words were contradictions.

I have imprinted an action which can not be undone, 

But all my terrible actions, have been dealt with on the cross, 

Grace is not an excuse, to confess, and sin again, but for the righteous,  who have stumbled, to rise up , 

And walk again.