THE GIRL AFTER

C H A P T E R 4

"I just want to sleep. A coma would be nice. Or amnesia. Anything, just to get rid of this, these thoughts, whispers in my mind. Did he rape my head, too?"

Laure Halse Anderson, Speak

    Another night of not being able to sleep. Another night of being kept up by the memories and thoughts running around my head. Another night of having to sleep on the floor because I couldn't bring myself to even look at my bed, much less sleep in it.

    My eyes stayed glued to the ceiling, counting each glue spot left behind from the glow in the dark stars that had once been there. Each spot reminded me of my childhood, the time when I was happy, where I could sleep, and be around my family instead of being afraid of being close to them.

    "Athy?" A knock on my door took my attention from the glue spots. Bentley was at the door, and from the sound of it, he sounded sad. "Can I come in?"

    "Yes," I answered. The moment the door opened, I saw the tears running down his face, I saw the sad and concerned look in his eyes, but most importantly, I saw the way he was looking at me.

    "Why are you on the floor?" My eyes widen and my heart quickened, thinking of the possible lies I could quickly come up with that he would believe.

    "I got too hot up there," I thought he wouldn't be dumb enough to believe the worst lie I have ever told, but he just nodded his head.

     "I just wanted to apologize for yelling at you in the car today. I was just annoyed because of something that happened at school and I took it out on you." I just stared at him. He was crying over the fact that he yelled at me, not because of anything else. I hadn't cared that he yelled at me, I truly hadn't, but it was the fact that he was crying over it. It just gave me another reason to not tell anyone about that night.

    "It's fine."

He just continued to stand there, staring at me with a weird look overcoming his features. I felt like I couldn't move most slightly without him asking me about it. Like I couldn't look at my bed, without him continuing to interrogate me.

    "I guess, um... I'll leave now." I didn't answer, just watched as he slowly left my room. My heart clenched as the door closed behind him. I shouldn't have wanted him to interrogate me, it was annoying at it meant he could find out the truth, but I just wanted one person to be able to talk to. I was keeping everything to myself and I felt so alone.

    Laying there, staring at the same glue spots, I concluded. I may have been able to stop him if I had done something quicker, maybe even have gotten him thrown in jail, but I couldn't change it. Not after it happened because it was over with. It didn't matter if I told someone because it had happened and I had no evidence. It was my word, a stupid little girl's word, against his.

    I continued with that thought the following morning as I took a shower, as I brushed my teeth, and as I got dressed. With that mentality, I forced myself to get dressed in a t-shirt and jacket. It was difficult, but I was done with being the victim.

    Even as I walked down the stairs into the kitchen and saw him standing there talking to my mom, I kept telling myself that if I wanted to continue with my life, I would have to act as if nothing happened.

    "Good morning, Athena." My mom had stopped talking to him and had turned to look at me, but there was no more warmth and love in her eyes. Instead, it was just anger and disappointment, disappointment in me.

    "Sit down." My dad was sitting at the island, like normal, but he wasn't reading or drinking coffee. He was just sitting there, waiting for me.

    "What's going on?" My voice wavered as I took my seat. My hands fidgeting and my legs bouncing up and down, I waited for someone to say something.

    "You should know exactly what is going on, Athena Quinn. Thankfully, Cameron came to tell us right away." My head snapped over to look at his smug face.

    "Tell you what exactly?" I had never heard something so mean sounding come from me, but I couldn't help the anger that coursed through my veins. He was going to lie and get his way out of what he did, and it was at the same time I had convinced myself to let it go.

"Stop trying to get out of it! He told us that you tried to force yourself on him! What the hell is going on with you lately? First, you start not eating and distancing yourself, which we let go because you're a teenage girl and we were hoping it would pass, but this is inexcusable! We raised you better than this!" My father had progressively raised his voice until he was yelling by the end. I could feel the tears burning in my eyes, but I never let them fall.

"I didn't do it! He's lying! Please you have to believe me. He's the one who is in the wrong! He's the reason I've been distancing myself! He ca-" I cut myself off. I couldn't tell them. No matter how much I wanted to. I couldn't look at their faces and say the words.

    "Athena Quinn, do not try and blame this on Cameron. He is a nice, respectful young lad and he has done a great deal by telling us about your problem. Now, you are going to apologize to him, and then you will get your brother so you two can go to school." My mother's eyes that I had learned to see the love in, only had hate.

    I felt my breathing quicken as I looked back and forth between the three other people in the room. I couldn't do it. I couldn't breathe in that house.  I couldn't breathe with the people there. I had to leave. So I did.

    I stood up from my seat and ran right out the front doors, not bothering to look behind me to see if someone was following. I ran, not knowing where I was going, but knowing I wouldn't stop for a long time.

With my legs and lungs burning from running, I felt freer than I had since that night. I was finally able to breathe.