Surfacing - Book One in the Swans Landing Series

Chapter 27

Chapter Twenty-Seven

“So why do you have to see the school counselor anyway?” I walked around the Swans Landing Lighthouse, running my fingers along the white stone. “Did you punch Elizabeth in the nose too?”

Josh laughed as he followed a few steps behind me. “I can’t say that I haven’t considered it,” he said. “But no. My excuse is a lot less exciting than yours.”

“Which is?” I asked.

After we left school, Josh and I had run hand-in-hand down Heron Avenue, dashing around people walking by. We didn’t even stop by his house to get his ATV, we just kept running until we were out of breath and sweating, eventually finding ourselves at the lighthouse, the farthest point north that we could go before running into the water.

“Mr. Richter thinks I have a bad attitude,” Josh said, “all relating back to my dad’s death and my mom’s breakdown. He says I haven’t allowed myself to come to terms with what happened and move on.”

Sand had worked its way inside my boots, but I barely noticed as I kept walking in circles around the lighthouse. “Like he knows anything,” I said. “I think a person is allowed to have a bad attitude when they’ve lost a parent.”

“Or two,” Josh said. “My mom may be here physically, but mentally I lost her a long time ago.” He paused, taking a deep breath before continuing. “My mom took my dad’s death really hard. She’s not always herself.”

I looked out at the crashing waves on the shore, only a few yards away from the lighthouse. The building was closed to visitors since the lighthouse was still in operation, but the grounds were open for exploration. It was nice being here and not back at Pirate’s Cove, surrounded by the memories of Sailor in Josh’s arms.

“The cancer took my mom away from me long before she died,” I said, my gaze focused on the horizon. “Sometimes I would dream about going back in time, back before she got sick, when everything was okay. But whenever I woke up, it never was. My mom was still dying and so I started to hate sleeping. Because waking up always brought me one day closer to her being gone.”

I started walking again, feeling the sandpaper texture of the concrete under my fingers as I followed the circle of the lighthouse until it brought me back to Josh.

He stood with his back to me. His shoulders shook a little and I realized he was crying. I stepped back, unsure what I should do. Did he want to be left alone?

But something told me that being left alone was the last thing he needed. So I stepped toward him, slipping my arms around his waist. The echo of his heart beat steadily when I pressed my ear against his back. All the questions I had about his relationship to Sailor died on my tongue.

“I’ve done everything I can to help her and make her better, but it’s never been enough,” he said. “Is it weird to miss someone you don’t even know? Because every day I miss my dad even though I was a barely a year old when he died.”

I closed my eyes, remembering all the days I would sit in front of my window and wish as hard as I could that the next car driving down the road would be Lake. “It’s not weird,” I told him. “But sometimes, the reality never lives up to the person you think you’re missing.”

Josh turned around so that he could wrap his arms around me and hold me pressed close to him. I leaned my head against his chest and he rested his chin on top of my head, his fingers knotted in my hair. The day had grown too warm for jackets, so we’d tossed ours into the grassy sand nearby, along with our backpacks and my camera.