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Incorrect Lams Quotes 27

i haven't written one of these in a while so uh why not-
hi jully 👁👄👁
LAURENS207

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John: *talking to Koda*
John: Look at you, all you do is sleep and eat all day-
John: Ah I wish I could do that-
John: ...oh wait-

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John: Let's make a pact, if we're both still single at 35 we marry each other, deal?
Alex: John we've been married for years now-
John : So is that a yes or a no-

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Alex: *yelling*
Angie: Would you stop yelling at me? It's your fault too you know-
Alex: Please explain how it's MY fault that YOU got us permanently kicked out of Costco-
Angie: Well you didn't stop me-

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Alex: *sees John laying down with his arms over his chest*
Alex: Are you sleeping-
John: No I'm rehearsing for my funeral-

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John, crying: Guys look at this cute puppy I found, I went outside and he was just there smiling and being so sweet. Look how big his eyes are, it's the most adorable thing I've ever seen-
Philip: But Dad-
Philip: That's not a dog that's just Papa-

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John: Why shouldn't you put your toaster in your bathtub?
Alex: Because if it's plugged in the electricity running through it will conduct over to the water which can kill you if you're touching it-
Philip: No it's because your toast will get soggy-

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Philip: Did you know that Joe and Danny DeVito are making a movie together?
John: Who's Danny DeVito?
Philip: Joe mama-
Philip:
Philip: Wait no-

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Alex: John has been banned from the kitchen-
Alex: If you see him in there please take him out-
Eleanor: What did he even do?
Alex: It was only after he put sugar instead of salt and apples instead of tomatoes that I decided he shouldn't be in there. He also burned the bottom of the pan-
Eleanor: That doesn't even sound that ba-
Alex: He was trying to make a sandwich-

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John: Hey Alex are you asleep-
Alex, sarcastically: Yes-
John, totally serious: Oh ok let me know when you wake up I got to tell you something-

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John: Hey guys, did anything happen while I was gone-
Philip: *thinking of all the bad stuff he did*
Philip, panicking: You were gone?

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John: Milk goes before the cereal, obviously-
Alex: I beg to differ-
John: Then BEG-

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John: Hey Lex come look! I'm on tv!
Alex: Wait really? What for? Hold on I'm comin-
Alex:
Alex: John it says you're wanted for stealing mac and cheese boxes from Walmart-
John, trying to hide his newly made bowl of mac and cheese: So? What's your point-

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Alex, pointing at a stack of papers: John what's this?Why's it so big?
John: Oh that's just the entire bee movie script, I wrote it all by hand-
Alex: So you have enough time to write the entire bee movie script but not enough time to do the dishes-
John, looking guilty: Yeah but you see, this was important-

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Philip: Hey Dad, can we go to the movies again tomorrow, there's this new movie and I want to go watch it-
John: Ah I see what's going on here, you want to hang out with me don't you? I always knew I was the cooler parent-
Philip: Well the movie is rated R, so I kinda need you-