☾︎*˚ midnight word dump˚* ☽︎

i wish

i'm surrounded by many people but i'm still lonely, all of them waving at me as i grin for a moment before turning away with a hollow feeling in my chest

my mind drifts back to you, who i've tried so hard to erase, but sometimes i still laugh and cry because i think of you

because this fragile heart of mine has been hurt too much, i never bring these feelings up, but have i come to understand myself in this time?

my densely piled up thoughts like discarded mail, i havent been able to sort through them, and to the person i envy, i send a letter that will never arrive

i really wish for you to see my dreams, i wish for us to be next to each other and hurt together

even though youll never know how you run through my thoughts every day of the passing seasons, i blamed myself, who was always never enough, all day long because my overflowing feelings were doing just that

now, i look in the mirror at myself, who was left staring blankly alone as if nothing is wrong, what a painful night

its hard to hide ones tears; would it be impossible for me to wish for a piece of your day that ive never had? 

these densely piled up thoughts like discarded mail, i havent been able to sort through them, and to the person i envy, i send a letter that will never arrive

i really wish for you to see my daydreaming thoughts, i wish for us to lean on each other like before

even though youll never know how i think of you every day of the passing seasons, i blamed myself for even the smallest love, because i was overflowing with countless emotions

without exception, every little thing sparked my endless happiness; im only hurting myself

in my time, there is only one dream i dream

in your time, there are many dreams that live by your side

if dewdrops were to gather between us, in our time, i think about how a a bright morning will never come and i count the stars alone, as if nothing is wrong

what a painful night

--

hm so these are song lyrics-ish (im writing it in chinese). its about missing someone, the uncertainty of keeping your feelings a secret but as a result getting to know yourself as you wish to be a part of that person's life again and to share your pain

also yup i wrote in all lowercase with no punctuation or grammar and i hate it but i wrote this at 3am i was (still am) tired bleh

it prob doesnt make sense oops i felt high while writing lol