Assassins...dont need feelings (Illumi x Hisoka)

hunter exam: phase 2

Illumi's pov

Phase two of the exam started as we hear a loud 'thunder' noise. Everyone looked towards the gates of the building.

The examiner was a fat guy called Buhara and a girl with mint-colored hair called menchi. They are gourmet hunters. Which means... I have to cook. 'gosh- I know how to cook but-... Gourmet hunters' levels are way higher than mine.' I thought to myself.

I knew there was no way I can pass. Buhara said he want porks. Everyone went off to look for pigs. The one we found was a rather huge one. Expected from that huge guy though.

It was easy to take the pig out and everyone started to cook. I took out the organs and washed the pig in the river near by. There was no one else there.

Do they not know that you have to clean the pig a bit before you cook-? I shrugged to myself and went back to the camp. I had mushrooms and different kind of vegetables. I stuff them in the pig's stomach where the organs were at and I started cooking.

Hisoka came over and watched. "DAMN-" he shouted. I looked at him, "You need to clean up the pig-?" He asked. Many other examinee looked at us, shocked and they wanted an answer so that they don't waste more time.

I sighed and said, "No, that Buhara guy would probably give you a pass. He looks like the kind of guy who just wanted to eat. HOWEVER, I don't think anyone could pass the exam. The Menchi girl is a one-star gourmet hunter. I can see that she is very strict when it comes to food. I'm doing this only because its my own habit. No worries."

They all continued cooking. Knowing that they are safe- "Wait, do you mean that none of us will pass the exam because of that Menchi girl?" One of them shouted. Everyone looked at me, started to panic again. "Mhm-" I nodded as I clicked my head.

They became worried. Some of them were angry. After we all submitted our dishes to the examiner, I was right, none of us passed.

Hisoka came up to me and held my waist from behind. He rested his chin on my right shoulder and whispered to my ear,"Darling you are smart~" I asked, "oh, so you did not believe me?" He chuckled and nodded, "I was doubting what you said~" I turned my head away as it clicked.

I noticed gon and kurapika looking at hisoka and me as I push him away. "L-leorio! W-where are y-you?" They blushed while trying to look away from us. That Oreo guy walked over and said, "I'm here! Oh- didn't know that the clown had a boyfriend-... HE'S GAY!?"

Oreo stood in between gon and us. He shouted,"Hisoka! You weirdo!! Stay with your boyfriend and don't touch gon!" Hisoka smirked and said,"Gon is my prey, not my crush~ plus~ aren't you gay too~? Towards kurapika~ You were calling kurapika's name all the way when I carried you here~"

Oreo blushed and turned to explain to kurapika. I watched them in silence as I walked away. Not to mention, while hisoka and Oreo is arguing over boring things, a fat guy challenged the examiners and got his ass kicked. I didn't say it earlier because I didn't find it important to mention about.

Now what? You can't just leave all of us failing the exam because we are not gourmet hunters. But then, an airship flew to us and an old man dropped on the ground. He stood on his legs while the ground cracked and broke. 'he got some insane leg muscles' I thought. I mean I could do that too, but landing like a feather instead of being a bomb.

That old man was Chairman netero, and he told Menchi about her problems and we had to take a different exam. We got on the hunter association's airship and went to the split mountain.

We were instructed to jump down the split mountain and collect spider-eagle eggs from the spider web hanging down there. E A S Y- "lumi~ I'm scared~ hold my hands~~~" chills climbed up my back and I looked back. Hisoka- he was trying to hold my hand.

"I don't see that being necessary," I pushes his hands away, suddenly something came up to me and I took of my needles and continued, "nii-sama~ you should be the one protecting me~" and I winked then turned away.

Just. JUST what is wrong with me- I jumped off the split mountain and hung on those huge eggs hanging from the web. "Hmm... Hisoka isn't coming down... Wait- why do I even care." I 'tched' and pouted. Cursing myself.

"Aww kitty~ worrying about me~?" I turned around with a kick. Hisoka didn't see it coming so my leg landed on his waist. He grabbed my ankle and pulled me close to him. It was too close that my lower part started to feel... weird.

His face closed up to mine and whispered. "My my kitty~ not giving your master a warning huh~? This is your penalty~" p-penalty? What is he talking about- suddenly, his face closed up even more, leaving no gaps between our lips. I opened my eyes widely and kicked. But I couldn't move my leg.

When I was about to push him away, he opened his eyes and it felt like my body is tied up with sticky things. I couldn't see what is it. Gyo! That's right, I should use gyo. I saw pink gum around me and one of the gum's end was me belt while the other end is on hisoka's finger.

I tried to speak but he even sticked my lips towards his. I letter out muffled moans as hisoka started to make the scene more and more messier with his pink gum. Hisoka bit my lips hard as I moaned louder. He finally stopped and asked, "What do you think your doing kitty~? We don't want the others to find out don't we~" I was blushing so hard and I yelled back, "First of all, I have a name and its illumi. Secondly, what do you think YOU'RE doing?"

Hisoka smirked, "Ara~ kitty-chan is angry~.. Bad kitty~ how many times do I have to say~? Don't be a rude kitty~~" 'Since When The Fuck Did You Say That?' I was cursing him in my mind and he looked at me as if he read my mind. The gum around my body tightened. And the gum climbed up to my neck, choking me. I could've got rid of these so easily usually. But why can't I use and power as if it had been drained? Why?

After seconds a guy came by and said," uhh-ummm.. You two should head back.. I-its ending, th-the exam's time limit is almost up-.." He tried not to look at us but he kept scratching his neck, feeling embarrassed.

Thanks to that man, hisoka stopped and released all nen on me. Then he cut the web that man was holding. "Cyaa~ try not to be such a nice guy your next life~ good luck~~" hisoka laughed as we flew back up with the wind.

I quickly stabbed those needles back to my face and tried to keep distance with hisoka. He shouted from behind, "you see~, bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum~ elastic love~! Bungee gum~~"

And so, the second phase of the exam ended with hisoka's bungee cum, ehem I mean gum, and the boiled spider eagle eggs

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Idea of the usage of bungee gum from a drawing of a frd (I guess) of mine

Cya-