Bubba Sawyer x Reader x Thomas Hewitt

3

....My vision started going hazy as i blinked an sniffed not wanting to be seen crying over something so stupid and meaningless.

I rubbed the still red and slowly bruising mark on my cheek from yesterday night.

I walked over to Bubbas side of the bed and sat down gently before looking over at him and pushing a few strands of his hair out of his face.

I sighed and sat down on the ground bringing my knees to my chest, its still dark out yet i can't seem to get to bed.

" You make me really happy, I swear...." I started as i ran a hand over my face wiping away any stray tears

" I don't know if your even listening but, none the less i have to get this out before you have the time to change your view on me. Your the reason I get up each morning, your the reason I smile, your the reason I laugh." I said before taking in a deep breath

" I love you a lot, your my bestfriend. I know that you know it. I just like to remind you, because I'm really not faking all this. You really mean a lot to me." I said with a small barely audio ed laugh

" You make me feel so much emotions! I never thought I could be happy again. You make my heart beat when I only want it to stop. You make me laugh until I cry when I only want to cry. You make me smile and feel loved when all I hoped in life was to die." I said softly before twirling a peice of my pink hair between my fingers

" Your the only person in my life that likes me for me and doesn't judge me for my mistakes, past present and future." I said with a small smile on my lips " My sadness, it's not your fault, you have to believe that. As I said, you make me really happy. You help me get through things that are hard." I said letting my legs lay there flat out infront of me

" ...But, you love someone who's life lacks certain happiness'. You love someone full of selfhatred, who struggles to walk one step in front of the other. Someone who's not fully prepared to grow up and live life the way your meant to and who's still learning to love herself. I still wonder how you can love me. I never saw something special in me, I always thought I was nothing, empty of things to love, just empty of everything I guess." I admitted before taking in a shaky breath

I hummed in question " But i have you." I said at last

" Maybe I was wrong, maybe I am wrong. Maybe I'm someone special. Maybe I'm worth fighting for. Maybe I'm worth your love and all your tenderness. But I still feel the same. Well, maybe not exactly the same. I feel better, that's for sure. But the darkness is still around, waiting for me, holding me. It still haunts my days and nights. I'm sorry about all this. Sometimes, it gets close, I lose control, I slip into the deepest nightmares. I fall down to my own death, but instead of falling on the ground like I usely do, I fall into your arms." I said with a wider smile as i stood up and stretched out my arms high above my head before turning to face Bubba and noticed that he had shifted slightly yet he still seemed to be asleep.

" It's a metaphor you see? Falling to the ground being me just feeling like my world is falling down on me, and you being the reason why I'm still here. You, being my hero. It's quite true, you save me, little by little, every day. I could never thank you enough for showing me your love, for taking your time with me. I'm a puzzle, I'm complicated, I'm hard, and some of my pieces are missing, but you still look for them. You are a dream comes true, dear. I love you so much." I said slightly louder and pressed a small kiss to Bubbas cheek before tucking him in and whispering a brief goodnight before leaving out the room, i felt better than before now that i got all of that out.

If hes awake then my pretty words will sure of swayed him and if hes asleep still then at least i got what i wanted to say out in the open...