In the dark

Chapter 16

It has been four weeks. He didn’t showed up to run with her again or apologized. He doesn’t sit close to her in class or in the cafeteria, never sends her any texts with insults or shows up at her house like he’s a totally different person. The only thing he does is remove the post-its on her locker everyday, they’re always ripped on the floor when she gets there.

 Camila continues to exist and Shawn continues to exists, but they don’t exist together. The more the days pass since that weekend she spent with him, the more she keeps questioning herself, but she’s just too stubborn to ask. She wants to know why he lost his mind like that and why didn’t he just let it go instead of being angry like that. She wants to know why he didn’t try to apologize because she’s pretty sure she would have given him another chance. What he did was crazy, strange and a little possessive, but she knows that if she compared it to all of the wonderful things about him, it wouldn’t even have mattered that much.

 Troye doesn’t even try to understand what happened and neither does she, at least that’s what she tells him, because deep down it's eating her inside. Whenever she thinks about what happened between them, it feels so surreal, almost like it was just a dream. She keeps wondering to herself if that weekend actually happened or it’s just another one of those invalidated memories she has.

 The one thing that hasn’t left her mind is the fact that she didn’t even kissed him, she wanted it so much and the thought of not doing it ever feels like a hole in her chest. The way they had such an easy interaction, him touching her like that was what he supposed to do or the kisses on her head, those were all parts of something much bigger. Something so big that even though they didn’t kiss, it deserved certain respect. He’s treating what happened between them like something wrong and that really hurts her because she knows he felt something, and if he felt like she did, then she knows those feelings are still there.

••••

 “ What is this?” Camila asks Troye while looking over the table. He just placed a very nicely wrapped box in front of her.

 “ Just a little reminder.”

 “ Of what?” She asks confused.

 “ It’s a reminder that tomorrow is your birthday. Now, open it.”

 “ I was hoping you’d forget it.” She says before sighing and rolling her eyes.

 “ Open the damn present, Camila. I know you hate getting gifts, but I love giving them, so stop being a depressive bitch and open it, love it, hug me and thank me.”

 “ You’re a good gift wrapper.” Camila says untying the bow and tearing the box open. “ You got me a tv?”

 “ That’s not a tv, dummy. It’s an e-reader.” Troye says laughing.

 “ Oh.” She says. “ I have no idea what an e-reader is, but I’m pretty sure I’m not allowed to have one. I would take it like I did with the phone Lauren gave me, but this is too big for me to hide in my pocket.”

 “ You’re kidding, right?” He asks leaning over the table. “ You don’t know what an e-reader is?”

 “ It looks like a tiny tv to me.” She shrugs.

 Troye laughs even louder and takes the e-reader out of the box, handing it to her.

 “ It’s an electronic device that holds more books than you’ll ever be able to read.”

 He presses a button and the screen lights up, dozen of small pictures of books appearing in front of Camila’s eyes. Clicking in one of them, Troye slides the pages so she can take a look at the first chapter. Camila starts touching the screen while watching the pages turn effortlessly, knowing that’s the best thing she has ever seen in her life.