Everlasting Oath | E'LAST Yejun

To Sunwoo

This letter, I lost it among the others I meant to send to the rest of my friends. Now I have it back, though, so maybe I should reignite the flame we lost.

I miss you, old friend. I miss our messy times, our frustration with each other when we both failed to communicate our worries. I miss every little thing we did together, from ordering pizzas that can feed three families to whispering good nights in the comfort of one another's arms. I want to call you, but every time I look at your contact I lose all hope.

I hope this letter helps convey how I feel properly, but it would be foolish to think it can show everything. I am, after all, not as good as you when it comes to writing these things on paper. You have always been the prodigy, the well of creativity. When you began saying otherwise, I was lost in fear. Losing everything you have ever known only meant losing everything else, too. You always told me this.

Hyung, why did you leave? I offered everything I have in my possessions, everyone did, but you left before you could consider it. We all fell apart, hyung. It almost seems like a horrible drama that lost its star actor. You were the lead, hyung. You brought us together, glued us when we fractured our skeleton. Now I look at our selfies from middle school and cry myself to sleep every night because man, I freaking miss you.

I don't want to blame you for anything that happened, nor anyone else. I just want you back. I want our broken friendship to be revived. Maybe this is why I'm writing a letter instead of sending you a series of paragraph texts... I want this to be as raw as possible.

I bought that puppy you had your eyes on. I kept him by my side, waiting for your birthday to come around so I can give him to you, but we found your note the day before. I will be honest. My heart broke in half. I ended up co-raising Elring with Wonjun and Wonhyuk. He grew up to be the strongest Shiba Inu pup you have ever seen... But one day, when we were coming back from the vet's, we got into an accident. Elring survived. He escaped with only a broken calf and had to have a part of it amputated. Wonhyuk was also relatively fine, he had a concussion and couldn't go to school for a week because of it, but otherwise, yeah. I was fine, too.

But Wonjun died.

We tried our best to wake him up until we saw the pool of blood on the driver's seat, Elring whined until we put him to sleep. By the time the ambulance arrived, we had already removed the sharp thing poking out of his chest. It was your art prize. He went to get it for you before he picked me up for the trip to the vet.

I called you so many times, but you never picked up and never showed up at the funeral. That day was the final straw for me, I cut off any remaining memories with you save for one picture I don't have the heart to burn alongside the rest. Remember when we went fishing at midnight in Yamagata? You made this ridiculous pose that I couldn't stop laughing at. Remember? Or did you truly forget everything?

I'm trying my best to understand you, hyung, but it is kind of hard when you never took time out of your day to ask after me for a change. It hurt at first, but when I got used to it, I started to see why you wouldn't. I am a very boring person, aren't I? Even the elderly Choi-Jung couple next door have more going on in a day of their lives than I do in one month.

Since this letter got too long, I will end it here. I hope you're happy at least. Maybe you finally got back your will to keep going...

I know I won't hear from you, but I will cross my fingers nonetheless.

Signed, Yejun