I haven't slept in over 24 hours, and I was sobbing uncontrollably halfway through writing this. That's all I can say about this one.
This song came on while I was writing this and skdjcsk it's here now
Sad :[
Jotaro's POV
I heard my mom on the phone one day.
"Yeah, I know it's normal for a teenager to sleep a lot, but...I'm just worried. He's different. He's not even getting into fights anymore, and that's a good thing but...it's also scary. He's not doing much of anything...Yeah, I guess you're right...I hope so. Well, I've got to start making dinner so, I love you. I'll talk to you later," she'd said before hanging up.
I guess she was worried about me because I slept so much. Maybe she thought that meant I was depressed. Maybe she just thought it was unhealthy, but honestly, it was the healthiest thing I was doing. I saw him in my dreams, almost every night. Sometimes they were the sweetest dreams I'd ever had, and other times they were horrible nightmares about DIO and losing him all over again.
It was like he was haunting me...just not in a scary way. He lingered. I couldn't let go.
That's not the kind of person I am. I told myself over and over that it was only a fifty-day trip, and getting so attached to a boy in such a short amount of time was ridiculous. I beat it into my own head that I should move on, but then again, I didn't want to. I was waiting for him to come back from the dead, and since he wasn't going to, my dreams were going to have to be enough.
I think I was starting to forget his voice...not because of how long it'd been, but because of how much I'd reimagined it. I felt like my brain would get it ever so slightly wrong in dreams or thoughts, and each time it got further and further from reality. I wanted to hear it one more time so I could just dedicate it to memory—but would that have even worked? Would I still be in this situation in no time anyway? He's gone, and all I had to show that he was ever here was one stupid photo and a hundred memories.
I stepped into the bathroom. It'd been three days since my last shower, and my mom was probably going to make me shower anyway, so I just went ahead and got in. I hated showers for the same reason I loved dreams.
I was drowning in my thoughts in there.
The difference was, this time there were no good dreams. There was nothing but that rational voice in the back of my head telling me that my grief is ridiculous. The cool water beat against my back, and I took a deep breath, trying to remember the way he sounded when he said my name. I knew I was getting it wrong, but it was only a little off, and it bothered me so much. I didn't want to forget. I wasn't ready to forget. It'd only been a month, so how did that happen so fast?
I didn't cry over Kakyoin.
Not when I found out he was dead.
Not when I got home and locked myself in my bedroom, receiving the first real, quiet privacy I'd had in weeks.
And not when I started going back to school and noticed just how alone I was. It never bothered me before, but now it felt like there was something missing, you know? But it had never been there in the first place. I thought it was so unfair that we'd gone to the same school but never met each other...but then again, that was just because of our personalities. He wasn't much of a people-person, and I had enough of a reputation that guys didn't even bother approaching me for something like friendship. If it weren't for DIO, we never would've met. I asked myself a lot if that would've been better.
I got fifty days with him. I learned everything there was to learn about him, the inner-mechanisms of his brain, and what made him into the person he was. And then he lost everything. He was only seventeen. His life had barely even begun. Cut off so fast...
