After Forever

Chapter 66

Hardin

My mum is sitting at the counter next to Vance.

"Morning." I say

"Do you have any idea what you put me through?" My mum says.

"Sorry." I reply.

"You couldn't pick up a phone or let me know you were alive? Anything ?" She asks.

"I was fine and I'm here now." I reply.

Tessa comes out of the room and has a seat at the kitchen table.

"We called a few places this morning for rehab." Vance says.

"I'm just going to do meetings." I reply.

"Hardin I think we're past that point." Vance says.

And I know that..I want to leave right now and get high. But I am looking at Tessa and thinking I have the slightest chance of making this right and having her and never letting her go. For as long as I'm here that is.

"Hardin, please." Tessa says.

And in this moment I realize I can't keep doing this. I need to be here for her and I can't do that if I keep doing this. But there's also the fact that life has other plans for me.

"Alright I'll go." I say.

My mum gets up and hugs me and I hug her back.
"I'm sorry, I really am." I whisper to her even though I know she doesn't believe me but why would she at this point.

She looks up at me with tears in her eyes. "I just need you to get better." She says.

"I know I do too." I reply.

I didn't think I would ever get here again. And I guess I thought that Tessa was going to be back with Easton probably told him the baby was his and she was just going to pretend I never existed. And I guess if I am being honest I was pretending myself that I didn't exist, because why does it even matter anymore if I do.

My body was just going through the motions. And the doctor here found something the doctor back in Seattle didn't. I have to have surgery and it has a 20% success rate. So when I heard that and from Tessa I just sorta gave up ya know.

Just a lot of thoughts have ran through my mind and then I drank and I drank more and I did what I did and it all turned off.

Tessa.
The baby.
Madi.
Vance.
Cancer.
My addiction.
Death.

It just all seemed like too much. And I have always been complicated. I have always complicated everyone's lives. I started thinking it would be easier if I wasn't here to complicate things.

When I'm using it all turns off.

Honestly I'm scared if I don't get help.
But I'm also scared if I do.

After a pretty silent breakfast I decide to go take a shower. I think everyone is scared of saying something to set me off.

When I get out of the shower Tessa is in my room looking through one of my drawers.

"Looking for something?" I ask.

She instantly turns around and closes the drawer. I definitely startled her.
"I...Umm I was just looking for a shirt." She says.

"Well did you find one?" I ask

"No." She replies.

I shuffle through my drawer and toss her one of my Ramones shirts that I knew is her favorite.

"Oh, thanks." She says.

Then I go to a box under my bed where I had some drugs left, and I throw it onto the bed.