After -Drarry COMPLETE

Chapter 19

-Warning: self harm, suicidal thoughts-

--Harry POV--

"Hi." I said with a small voice. She gave me a straight face, put her keys down, and walked past me, upstairs.

"You guys are still mad at each other." Said Teddy, his hair turning green and his nose becoming slightly smaller. I quickly kneeled down to him.

"No, no Teddy, everything is alright, it's just complicated adult stuff... you know?"

"She's mad at you because you're always sad." He said angrily, his hair began to show streaks of orange before he ran upstairs.

Just then, I saw Ginny leave our room.

"Don't bother, I'm talking to him. Like I always do." She said shortly. Without sparing me a glance, I saw her walk into Teddy's room and close the door. I really am tearing apart the household, or at the very least I'm an extreme bother.

—4 days later—

It was about 1am, and tonight felt particularly difficult. Everything was just going through my mind to torture me that night. I haven't slept in almost a week, I've barely eaten, and I haven't showered. I avoided the others in the house and it felt like they were doing so just as much.

Thoughts of Ginny, Teddy, the War, and the Dursley's where whipping through my consciousness constantly. As my stomach growled I remembered how little I ate as a kid. My head hurt and I remembered the War, and all of the harm I caused the Wizarding World. All the people that died because of me. And then I would remember Draco. How he teased me when we were younger, how I would spy on him. How he saved me from the fate of the death eaters at his house. How stupid I was to almost kill him in the bathroom.

I haven't spoken to him since we last saw each other, but I know he's called and texted a few times. I want to reply. I want to be around him, I want to be with him. But I'd rather just not cause him any extra problems. I'd rather not make the tense situation between me, Ginny, and Draco even worse.

Before I knew it, I had not only been hyperventilating, but my gut was filled with such anger and pain that I wanted to tear myself to pieces. I ripped the bed sheets off of myself, sweating and panting. My head was pounding and my heart was in my throat. I wanted to scream but I couldn't. I took my shirt off and threw it across the room, then tried to squeeze the growing pressure in my chest out. Gritting my teeth, I squeezed until my nails were in my arms, but nothing was happening. Nothing was helping. I didn't even realize I was scratching myself slow and deep while silent, frustrated screams escaped me. I just needed my head to stop spinning and racing I needed my mind to shut up, but it wouldn't.

—the next day—
—Draco POV—

I showed up to Ginny and Harry's house because the kids really wanted to hang out. Ginny and I were sat outside as the kids played at the swing set. Things were eerily quiet between us. The silence had gone on for 20 minutes and I was growing more and more unsettled by it.

I cleared my throat before asking: "uhm. Where's H- Potter?"

"Upstairs. Hasn't left his room for days. At least not when anyone would see him." She said in a monotone voice.

"Can I... go see him?"

She looked at me with an expression I couldn't understand. She stayed silent for a moment before saying "He's in the guest room."

"Thanks." I told her, unsure of what else to say or think. I got up from the lawn chair and opened the door to go inside.

When I got to the guest room I knocked on the door to no response.

"Harry... it's me. Can I come in?" Silence.

I opened the door and was immediately smacked in the face by stuffy air and an absolutely atrocious smell. My expression was one of disgust. But I quickly moved past it, to the bed where I saw Harry lying down. When I got close enough, I noticed he was shirtless and his arms and torso had long scratches. My chest tightened up.

"Harry... what happened?" I was only met by the slow rise and fall of his chest while he slept.

I sat down beside him and grabbed his hand, squeezing tightly.

"I know you're sleeping, but please talk to me. Let me help..." I had to wipe a tear off my eye, one I didn't notice I had shed.

"You don't deserve this..." I looked at him with a pained expression.

"You know, I keep asking myself if I'm supposed to apologize for, well, for the other night. I don't know... it just seems a bit too coincidental; Everything." I took a deep breath in to compose myself.

"You also need to shower. You smell absolutely foul." I said with a small laugh, before letting my expression fall again.

"Please talk to me soon. I'm bringing you a sandwich and some water... I hear you haven't really been maintaining yourself...."

I sat there for another few moments before getting up and leaving, deciding it would be the best thing to do at the moment.

—Harry POV—

As soon as I heard Draco leave and close the door I opened my eyes. I wasn't sleeping, but I couldn't face talking to him. I'm just horrible for doing this. I've literally made him cry, the man who had a seemingly cold heart his entire childhood just cried because of me. I need to stop causing so much pain... these people don't deserve-

Just then, it clicked. It suddenly all made sense. I could do this. I can stop causing them pain and problems... I just need to work up the courage to do this. I let a single tear slip. I just need to find out how, and when, and what to do before then. that's all I need to do.