DabiHawks Oneshots

Texting They Are

Dedicated to LittleDevilVixen . For Satan.

Everyone is OOC in this fic, just roll with it.
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"And that is how it came to my attention that the standard workers pay..." Hawks was well aware that he was zoning out. His ears filled with an absent minded buzzing that he assumed to be the CP's words, but he held no interest in the topic and honestly wasn't quite sure why he was there either.

It was around 12:30 and the meeting room was alive with heat, sweat visible on every attendee's temple. The only reason Hawks wasn't dead yet was because of the phone that was balanced on his knee. The distraction of the screen made the hotness slightly more bare able and less pass outable.

It vibrated and a new notification popped up. Grinning as the contact name appeared, Hawks opened the message.

The Man with No Name: im bored

The Man with No Name: help me pls

The Man with No Name: bossman is trying to kill meeeeeeeeee

The Man with No Name was some guy who had picked up the wrong number, and somehow drawing the needle from the haystack had ended up with Hawks. And because almost no random numbers ever seemed to reach the hero, he had rejoiced when the guys first text came through.

Hawks had heard stories from friends about fucking with the people who got the wrong number and was bursting to try it for himself. So when opportunity came knocking at his door, he pounced, opening it so that he could punch opportunity right in the face.

What Hawks did not expect, was to become texting buddies with the Man with No Name and know practically every single detail about each other (names and occupations were off limits though).

He tapped in a quick reply, glancing up occasionally to feign interest towards his boss's speech.

Mystery Chicken: well my boss women is going to murder me if she finds out im texting during her speech

Hawks tapped the screen impatiently as he waited for the pulsating bubble below the read sign to be replaced by words.

The Man with No Name: then we can die together and reunite in hell

Mystery Chicken: nah, satan will reject ur ugly ass while I waltz right past u

The Man with No Name: have you met me??? satan would be prying me from gods fingers

Mystery Chicken: is that so

The Man with No Name: truer than my 900 murders

Mystery Chicken: nobody has murdered 900 people except myb the LoV, and they're all brain dead in their mums basement, so that cant be very tru

The Man with No Name: mm, individually ive only killed abt 60 or so

Mystery Chicken: im sure they were all honoured to fall by ur hand

The Man with No Name: everybody who is felled by my hand of justice SUFFERS

Mystery Chicken: intense. just how I like it 😉

The Man with No Name: how's ur meeting going

Glancing up to once again to try and seem involved, Hawks then proceeded to immediately look back down at his phone.

Mystery Chicken: still prattling on abt some shit, but I'll be murdered if im caught with my phone

The Man with No Name: then y r u texting me