i'm always running. hiding in absolute fear alll insideeee thee minnndddddddd . the dreams are loud and clear 4 months before u wanna realise that. i'm running up against the stairs that are pulling me down. i get higher and higher and higher. and fall down and down and down. i'm stuck in the inception of being terrified to go to sleep, terrified of waking up. the andromeda explosion happening every night and every morning has created a new dimension to be birthed from the most painful labour their ever was. i scream and pulse in utter agony as i push out my childhood nostalgia, and as she takes her first breathe, she sobs and cries out in mourning for my childhood peace. there is no peace. where's my peace? where's my purity? did she slip out of me when i cracked down the middle of my soul when the birth of unreachable desire for my innocence lies? where's my sweet dreams of picket fences and picnic sets? play dough and wishy washy seas? now i dream i am in the tiniest nooks and crannies of gutters and dumpster hiding from good looking powerful men. who fool the vulnerable and haunt the independent. he strokes my cheek in a mocking manner every night. traces his fingers along my thighs, crescent moons indents the skin on my neck, shins on biceps, hands on bellies, lips on nipples, to remind me, i , completely, wholly, entirely, am not in control. the dreams are loud and clear 4 months before u want to realise that.
