Conversations in the Dark

TO LIVE OR NOT TO LIVE?

Have you ever been asked this one question before? If you knew you only had hours to live, what would you do with your last moments on earth? Would you want to know you were dying, or would you rather live your final moments in blissful ignorance? Would you spend it with those you love? Or live those final moments to the fullest? Or would you coward down and hide away? So, tell me what would you do? Do you even know? Well I think I do, know what I would do...

It's a strange thing, knowing you're dying, feeling your life and spirit slowly ascending upwards lingering, and leaving your earthly body, and I can tell you this for certain your life does not flash before your eyes, it's more or less a feeling of perhaps, regret and what if's, past thoughts of hopes and dreams...and then it hits you like a ton of bricks, holy shit is this really happening? Is this really how it ends? I'm not ready, I'm too young, I have so much more life to live, and what about my girls? Oh God, my GIRLS!! I can't leave the love of my life and my daughter behind, not like this! And just as the pain sets in and the coldness of death creeps in; all you see is darkness, you're alone, I WAS ALONE in the darkness. Dear God get me out!!

ANDY HERRERA-SULLIVAN'S POV –

Christina wouldn't stop crying as her fever raged on, my heart sunk into my stomach, with the pain of knowing there was nothing I could do to make her feel better, God what was keeping Robert it had now been more than 35 minutes since he last texted me, what was keeping him so long? Maybe I should just call Dr. Bailey and take Christina to Grey-Sloan and Robert would just have to meet us there, just then my thoughts had been interrupted by a forceful knock coming from downstairs at the front door, finally I exhaled in relief, I knew it he left his keys like always; with Christina in my arms I raced down the stairs, slightly amused ready to tease my husband like always as I unlocked the door, "Don't tell me you forgot your keys again..." I said, suddenly my heart stopped beating as Christina continued to cry in my arms, I just froze in place, I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do, as TWO POLICEMEN stood in my doorway, with grief-stricken expressions upon their faces, nothing good ever comes after expressions like those, they both slowly removed their caps.

"Ma'am? Mrs. Sullivan? Are you Mrs. Robert Sullivan?" One of the officers asked me, I wasn't quite sure, as the next few words that were spoken to me sounded muffled as though I had been placed under water, or like every adult's voice in those Charlie Brown cartoons, that I use to love so much when I was a kid, suddenly those cartoons didn't seem so cute and funny to me just now, "Ma'am?" He asked again, I suddenly snapped myself out of the trance that I was in, holding tightly onto my daughter, "Yes. Yes, I'm Mrs. Robert Sullivan," I replied with a cracked shaky voice, "Ma'am there's been an accident, we're gonna need you to come with us, please?" The second officer said, again I still couldn't move, "Ma'am?" He said, "Yes. I just need my purse," I said, I was no longer in my own body, I knew I was moving I could see my feet moving but I couldn't feel the floor beneath my feet, I was the walking dead, I grabbed my purse off the coat rack, my house keys and cellphone from the console table, locking the front door behind me, the officers escorted me down the walkway and into their police car, with sirens blaring, as we hightailed it towards Grey-Sloan Memorial; all I could clearly remember after that was I couldn't breathe, I wouldn't breathe ever again, without the love of my life beside me, alive and alright, Robert was alright, he had to be alright, I just knew it, as I sunk down into the back seat of the police car unable to breathe.

DR. MIRANDA BAILEY'S POV –

Doctor Miranda Bailey, Chief of Surgeons at Grey-Sloan Memorial hospital and wife of Doctor/Firefighter Ben Warren. I could tell it was going to be one of those nights, you know what I mean? The kind of night that's never ending, it just goes on, and on, and on; I wasn't even supposed to be on shift that night, but between all my morning meetings, and all my flattering and kissing the ass's of the most snobbish board members of the Katherine Fox foundation, some of whom had never even seen the inside of an O-R much less, operated on a single person in the entirety of their careers, as most of them were nothing more than strictly corporate head-hunters, I hadn't had a proper chance to catch up on my quarterly reports, I didn't know why but I had the distinct feeling that my night was about to somehow get even longer, I just hadn't, not even in my wildest imagination planned on or figured out how it was about to occur.