Who?

Chapter 1: Tomorrow

Here I was. Standing. Lost in the joyfulness and exuberances of our ex-dinning room transformed into a ballroom. People where chattering, laughing, talking about a bright and lovely future. My mother and my cousins were decorating the walls, preparing the chairs, the tables. The last repetitions were taking place. Casual music was being played and my brother was improving his dancing skills with a friend of him. The atmosphere was filled with simple happiness. Tomorrow would be perfect. And today already seemed to be.

But here I was. Frozen, standing, against the waves of their cheerfulness, not really knowing what to choose. I turned my head to the left and stared at the door for one short second that seemed to last forever. It was closed. I blinked, exhaled and tried to conceal my hesitations. Hesitations? Really? 'Fears' was a far more appropriate word to describe my feelings. Tomorrow was the reason for my fears but nobody knew. And nobody could know it. Tomorrow would be the day when my life would make a move further. A real and visible advance. And I was not ready. Definitely not. Hence the look at the door... I took one more step.

Emily a friend of the family called my name in the middle of the preparations and waved her hand at me. I turned my head and gave her my brightest smile: 'I'm coming back Em! I'm just going to breath some fresh air for a few seconds'. Lying. It seemed that this was all I could do since... since then.

I shivered and took more steps forward. I couldn't even picture the 'then' in my head. That day when I first saw the light. A white and strong light that had harmed my pupils. I had had to blink, close my eyes immediately again. Steps by steps I had had to learn how to face that light. That had been my fight. My first fight. But it did not last as, very soon after it, a man entered in my visual field. Wearing a white coat and looking like the walls around me. He made me stop my fight. I had looked at his surprise but happy face. It seemed that he had been rushing. I had wondered why. But it was only after these questions had crossed my mind, that two more concrete questions had arisen. Who was he and where was I?

My hand was now opening the door that I quickly closed behind me, trying my best not to make any noise. As if it could help me to disappear and finally be on my own to think, when my body suddenly tensed. My heart almost stopped. A hand had just fallen on my shoulder.

'Jesu...' I shouted. 'You frightened me'

The guy in front of me smiled and I started to insult myself. Really? How could I still call him the guy? That did not make any sense at all. Weren't we supposed to get married tomorrow?! Anger filled my body and I turned to walk in the opposite direction. But, again, his hand fell on mine.

'Eva' he was pronouncing my name as if he wanted to caress me. 'Well look I'm sorry if I frightened you. I was just happy to see you. I am always happy to see you and I wanted to check on you.... You know after all what happened, I'm still quite nervous to leave you'.

I looked at the guy. How could I tell him that his words did not even made sense to me. That I did not remember him and the time we supposedly spent together? At all... He seemed to care, too much and I appreciated it but I could not return it. How could you just simulate love for somebody you could not remember?

'I know that face Eva' he continued, his hand rushing to my face, fondling my cheek, 'that is the face that you make when you are deep in thought, annoyed by something.' His smile enveloping me, catching my eyes. Helping me to relax. 'What are you thinking about?'